Worry not my fellow Americans; the government is on top of things. Those of us educated in the perfectly predictable science of economics know that the government is on top of things and will curb unemployment when the time is just right. They have good reason for doing the things that they do; for example, we have been hearing over the past few weeks how the stimulus is creating jobs (even though it apparently is not). This ‘white lie’ is to help make the general population feel better and get them to spend the monies that they have started saving after the shock of the recession and the bursting of the housing bubble. Because as any economist knows, saving money is a terrible idea and that is what leads to personal economic instability.
Aside from that, now that the unemployment rate is above 10% the government will unleash its political and legislative tools to put a quick end to this problem once and for all. And if you don’t believe me then just look at what President Obama said.
“I just signed into law a bill that will help grow our economy, save and create new jobs and provide relief to struggling families and businesses,” Obama said in a statement delivered in the White House Rose Garden.
“The need for such a measure was made clear by the jobs report that we received this morning. Although we lost fewer jobs than we did last month, our unemployment rate climbed to over 10 percent, a sobering number that underscores the economic challenges that lie ahead,” he said. (Reuters)
Oh, phew! We are saved! Now that a bill has been signed everything is going to be ok.
In this tough job market and rising unemployment it is very important to go about your job search the right way. There are little known tips and tricks that can help you gain an edge over your competition and get the job you want. Here is a list of 10 things to keep in mind when looking for a job. No need to thank the Sarcasmist; he is, after all, a humanitarian if nothing else.
Things you should keep in mind when looking for a job
- Under no circumstances check your resume for misspellings.
- Arrive fashionably late to interviews.
- Do not research the company you are interviewing with.
- Do not prepare thoughtful answers to standard interview questions (an interviewer is going to know that you are being fake—think on your feet).
- Do not send separate emails to each potential employer. Just CC your resume to multiple places (don’t BCC, you want to make sure everyone sees how efficient and ambitious you are).
- Write a generic cover letter and email the same thing to every potential employer. Better yet, don’t include a cover letter at all—just put ‘see attached’ in your email (and forget to attach your resume).
- Use cute email stationary (e.g. dancing bears or colorful flowers).
- Always answer ‘I take my work too seriously’ if you are asked to talk about one of your flaws during an interview.
- If you are asked ‘where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’, the answer to that question should always indicate your desire to be in a completely different field than the one you are currently applying for.
- Last, but not least, make sure to ask a friend or family member to call your mobile during an interview. When the phone rings, act all upset and make a joke like “I’m in such high demand. They just won’t leave me alone.”
Happy job hunting!
On Thursday, at an Interior Department summit, Obama said that he was concerned about the plight of the Indians, and promised that this time the tribes were getting more than just lip service. He further solidified his position, as a great promise-keeper, by pointing to the swift change he made to the military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, just as he had promised to the gay military service people during his campaign.
During the conference, Obama signed a memorandum directing all federal agencies to develop a plan to improve tribal consultation, within 90 days.
This is a great way to get this process of reconciliation started. By bringing in endless bureaucracy, Obama can work ever so closely with the Indian nations in putting the paperwork for not forgetting them in order.
“You will not be forgotten as long as I’m in this White House,” Obama said to a standing ovation. (nytimes.com)
However, it is not clear what will happen after he leaves the White House. Some skeptics say that he’ll forget them once he has served his term or two. Only time will tell.
Over the years the media and the public has repaid Mr. West’s quiet and dignified humility with nothing but jokes and accusations of arrogance and full-of-crapness. Today, The Sarcasmist is taking a stand against all the mean-spirited jokes and attacks.
Why can’t a recording artist (that’s right, he is an artist!) implicitly call himself a genius without being called smug and full of himself? He has won multiple awards for his world-shattering music. Can you even begin to comprehend what the World would be like if Kanye West wasn’t a genius? There would be wars in the Middle East, weird flu strains, and the economy would be struggling to recover.
Let’s all rise up against the Kanye bashers, especially Talyor Swift who can’t deal with the reality that Beyonce is so much more fabulous than she is!
Just watch this utterly distasteful SNL promo and you’ll know what i mean. Shame on you Taylor!
It seems that no living being is immune to swine flu. It has been reported that a cat in Iowa has been tested positive for the H1N1 virus. This obviously is a foreshadowing of the end of times. This disease discriminates not. Whether you are man or beast, you are in danger of contracting this virus and being uncomfortable for a few days (in most cases). But let’s get back to the matter of the poor cat.
With this new revelation, it is imperative that the government and pharmaceutical companies redouble their efforts to get even more vaccines on the market to stop the rising pet swine flu pandemic. Human can fend for themselves but the poor pets are helpless against this evil disease.
…the case is prompting the association, along with the American Association of Feline Practitioners, to remind pet owners “they should monitor their pets’ health very closely, no matter what type of animal, and visit a veterinarian if there are any signs of illness.” (Washing Post)
So for the love of God, please keep a close eye on your pets, especially cats. And even more importantly, keep your children away from your pets. They might get sick by contracting the swine flu virus brought home from school or the playground.
