Giving the Finger
Democracy has finally set its roots in Iraq! Despite anti-government attacks that killed 38 people, voter turnout was about 62%, much higher than most western democracies. Although turnout was down from the 75% figure for the 2005 general election.
“Whether they wanted it or not, we have succeeded in bringing democracy to the Iraqis. We might not be able to run our own country well, but we are great at telling other how to run theirs.” said Senator Warren M. Onger
When asked about the situation in North Korea, the senator said that as soon as Blackwater was done securing Iraq, the senate will start discussion on bringing democracy to North Korea.
Where are the UFOs?
In a new study released by a group of scientists and philosophers discusses the noticeable drop in UFO sightings over the past decade. The paper brings up very interesting questions about the reason an advanced civilization would stop, or at least reduce, visits to a relatively primitive planet like the Earth.
The main contention of the paper is that after thousands of years of visiting our planet, the intergalactic visitors have just about given up on earthlings, believing that we never going to advance beyond our vile, selfish, and vindictive ways.
“It was just a matter of time before extraterrestrial civilizations looking to establish contact realized that Humans, as a species, are not fit for integration into the civilized universe.”, said Phil O. Sophia, PhD.
Reporting on the study, a Wolf News anchor closed the segment by saying…
“If those socialist aliens don’t want to establish political and economic ties with our planet, and don’t agree with the way we do things, then we should bomb them into realizing how wrong they are!”
Mom! It's like Raffi is right in front of us!
With the recent popularity and success of 3D movies such as Avatar, and the launch of 3D television sets by Samsung, Panasonic, and Sony, it was only a matter of time before 3D technology spilled into other areas of the entertainment industry. 3D concerts are the latest trick that technical wizards are pulling out of their hats.
This new technology is being touted as the ‘thing to revive live concerts’.
“It’s as if the band is playing right in front of you,” said an enthusiastic fan who participated in a focus group.
Promoters and artists are lining up to be part of what is being called a revolution in live music entertainment.
Can I have some vodka with that please?
Inspired by a recent study, that concluded that women who drink moderately are less likely to gain weight, the Sarcasm Society’s research division launched a study to find the relationship between food intake and weight gain.
Surprisingly, just like the ‘drunk women’ study, it was discovered that moderate food intake by women can be a good indicator of future weight gain, or lack thereof. Women who enjoy a moderate diet, are far less likely to gain weight; and those who do, gain less than those who stuff their face with pie and other goodies. This was especially true if a the women included a couple of drinks per day as part of their diet.
Burrrr!
Hearkening back to the days of the Cold War with the Soviet Union, the Pentagon is working on starting a cold war with the Al Qaeda to replace the actual war it is fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
This new approach is meant to keep the War on Terror alive and well, while reducing the cost by many orders of magnitude. It is believed that the Pentagon will be able to hold the balance of power by keeping a healthy stock of primitive machine guns and road-side bombs. The money saved could be put to better use. General Peter Eyott said…
“The money that we’ll be able to save will be invested in research and development to help design and manufacture technologically advanced weaponry, such as new fighter jets. This is absolutely crucial since the current fleet is in bad shape due to disuse.”
