Yearly Archives: 2009
10 Signs You Might Be Too Fat
1. You have to hold in your stomach to fit into your own skin.
2. You can’t see your own shadow with the setting sun shining on your back.
3. You don’t have to cut your hair anymore; fat just grows around it.
4. You constantly breathe heavily because breathing itself is a strenuous task for you.
5. You [...]
The End of the Tyra (Banks) Show: A National Tragedy
Tyra Banks recently announced that she will be ending her 5-year-run as a talk show host in the Spring of 2010.
“This will be the last season of The Tyra Show,” Banks told People.com. “I’ve been loving having fun, coming into your living rooms, bedrooms, hair salons for the past 5 years.” (NY Daily News)
Intellectuals and [...]
Company Recalls H1N1 Vaccine Because It Wasn’t Killing Enough People
The latest development in the swine flu ‘epidemic’ is the recall of over 4.5 million doses of the swine flu vaccine. After the news of the recall hit the streets, vaccine opponents thought that their paranoia had been vindicated as the recall was proof that the vaccines were not safe. As the story developed, it [...]
10 Signs That You Might Be An Idiot
1. You type ‘there’ when you mean ‘their’.
2. You press the already lit elevator button.
3. You get two pizzas, both half cheese and half pepperoni.
4. You get confused by the Starbucks cup sizes.
5. You think that cats are smart because they are aloof.
6. You are a self-professed vegetarian who eats fish.
7. You have a nervous [...]
God Is a Procrastinator
The latest theo-scientific discussions around religion and the existence of God have produced fascinating results. The theory being proffered is that God is a procrastinator and keeps putting off revealing himself to mankind.
Though this new theory has gained popularity among a minor group, it has ruffled the feathers of both believers and atheists alike. The [...]
Useless Advice by the Sarcastic Sage
