Log in | Sarcasm Society
Blog Homeblog.sarcasmsociety.comSarcasm SocietySarcasmSociety.comSarcastic SageAn "Advice Column"Sarcastic SinewsSarcasm Society WebcomicSarcastic QuotesCollection of Quotations

Boys Are Not Confusing

Written by Sarcastic Sage on September 13, 2010 - Comments (16)

So there’s this boy, and he is the most confusing thing ever. He tells me I’m cute and he sweet talks me a lot. A couple months ago, he kissed me. Then he went and had drunk sex with some ugly sleazebag hoe, but continued to talk to me as if nothing happened. I don’t see him very often now, but every time I do, I get a medley of reactions. For example, some days he is excited to see me and does cute little things that make me smile, some days he acts like he doesn’t even notice me or gives me a weird look and continues walking without saying anything to me, and some days I feel like he is purposely avoiding me. Does he like me or not? Should I continue trying to decode him or should I give up and move on to a different boy? Ever since he kissed me, I’ve kind of started to like him, but he is such a mystery! I don’t know what to do. Help please. -Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,

This is not a difficult puzzle to unlock. Here is the reason you are getting mixed reactions. When he sweet talks you, he is horny. When he ignores you it means he has already had sex with ‘some ugly sleazebag hoe’ (as you put it). And when he tries to avoid you is when he has something else to do, like watch a football game. See, it’s not a mystery at all. In fact, you’ll have the same exact experience with other guys with varying levels of intensity depending on their personality.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

The Sarcastic Sage

Would you like terrible advice? Why not ask the Sarcastic Sage.

Comments

  1. loads of laughter. the moral of the story is put out or get out?

    • really? coz I read the moral of the story is don’t wait for men that think in terms of put out or get out because that makes you an idiot seeing complexity where there is a shallow &$#@head.

  2. Write a song about it!

  3. *lol*dear sarcastic sage you suck the traditional way:DD and that is like a “quality indicator” haha

    “Learn to accept the order of things*sound of rumbling thunder*” and *scratches butt*

    :DD haha

    . . . but the truth is that if she is not looking for a potential victim(meaning searching for someone to marry with, procreate and live together forever and ever even after death)then they will not feel the need to define what they have meaning that they will not by definition have assigned duties to conform to every time they meet or when they plan their day:) *they can live in the moment and believe in what they have no matter what*

  4. It’s not so much of a mystery, and the answer the sarcasmist gave is completely wrong.

    He has the classic ‘madonna/whore’ complex: Some girls are to be put on a pedestal, others are to be used, mind set. You’ve got the pedestal duty. He’s sweet and nice to you, because you’re a ‘good’ girl. The girl he had sex with is a ‘bad’ girl. The times he ignores you are the times he’s horny and is looking for a bad girl. The idea of thinking about you and sex upsets him. If you come on to him, he’ll reclassify you as a bad girl, and you won’t see him again.

    Walk away, no, RUN away from this guy. He will keep ‘good’ girls at a distance, until he’s ready to marry/have kids. Then he’ll find a young, likely frigid, religious minded one. After that, he’ll cheat on her with the ‘bad’ girls.

    • haha i appreciate this, but just to clarify, the idea of me and sex definitely did not upset him. the rest i would mostly agree with.

    • It could be a few things:
      1) You misread his sweet talk and he actually isn’t really interested in you.
      2) You said something that made it seem like it would be more work trying to talk to you instead of talking to somebody else.
      3) He does like you but the other woman was already available.
      4) He does like you but you don’t signal your attraction to him in way he can understand. Combine this with a woman who is available. He doesn’t have to decode you so he won’t.
      Women frequently overestimate the ability of men to decode their signals. Women also vary is how far they are willing to go to get a guy. Some gals (such the “slut”) will make it easy on the guy, other such as you self with play as hard to get as possible.

      Let’s assume that this guy is young (under 25). Since he seems to be able to bang random sluts, then I would assume he of above average. Guys I know around this age are not trying to commit. If you want something long term I wouldn’t even look in this age group.

      While certainly there are men in this group who do want long term, they probably don’t have the skills yet to do it right. Frankly women in this age group don’t either.
      So what you can do?
      Come on stronger.
      You might read that as put out. That’s not what I said. I said come on stronger. Go as far as you are willing to go. Do in as obvious of as possible and don’t’ go any further. Stay at that line till it is clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wants to go further.

      That should pretty much get his attention. I’m not sure exactly what you should do next because I don’t know what you want. But when you get his attention directly ask for it. If you want to be the only one say that.
      Or don’t do anything and forget about him.

  5. oh my god i sent this in like months ago, i can’t believe you actually answered my question! hahaha :D
    but pretty much you nailed it. although unfortunately i never did find out if he really liked me or if he was just a horny bastard. i felt like there was too much tension and awkwardness since he didn’t know that i knew that he had been banging other girls. i’m selfish and i don’t like to share my men so i moved on.

  6. He is a dick. a horny dick. the end.

  7. See, but at least he’s being true. A true dickhead.

  8. unfortunately is right,because there’s just this slight possibility that instead of wasting time on the net or playing sherlock, if you had talked to him about the whole thing directly, things could have been different. you would have found out what kinda guy he really is and made an informed decision, instead of slotting him based on some shitty gossip. maybe he was just as confused as you and didn’t know what to do.
    God save world from morons.
    On the bright side though, you may have actually done him a big favor by ‘moving on’.

    • i already know what kind of guy he really is, i’ve known him for a while and quite well. the only thing that changed was the amount of attraction i felt toward him. i didn’t start to like him until he expressed interest in me, but i moved on because i didn’t need someone who slept with a different girl every day. and we are still friends. we just don’t hang out as often now, and i don’t do anything physical with him anymore.

  9. i wonder how you gotta know him so well in just a couple of months, it usually takes years.lemme take a wild guess, some more snoopin around and playing detective. the fact is no one knows what’s goin on in his head except him.
    but instead of dealin with your issues on your own, you chose to post that shit on a random site. i’m guessin you’re not really the sharpest knife in the drawer.
    so in that spirit, you should just go along with all the advice you’re gettin here(esp from that fucktard above who was talkin about “decoding” humanbeings)and forget about him.
    and do that dickheaded horny bastard one last favor and cut all ties, i dont think he deserves to have angelic friends like you in his life.

    • has it ever occurred to you that we were friends previously? because we were. we’ve been friends for a few years. i said he kissed me a couple months ago, not we met a couple months ago. get your facts straight before you make assumptions. and i sent this in a while back, it just wasn’t answered until recently. and true, he may be a dickheaded horny bastard, but we’ve been friends long enough that we’re not going to change that just because things didn’t work out romantically/relationship-wise. we’ve both had our share of new people when it was over and we’re fine with that. we’ll be alright, kthx.

  10. guys are douches and girls are bitches. not everyone but a lot of people. don’t be led by feelings they will only get you into trouble

Leave a Reply

Please keep it clean. There really is no need for profanity. I am sure you can get your point across without resorting to cursing.
Please configure your widgets.
More in Advice (18 of 34 articles)


So one day my girlfriend calls me and tells me that she saw the movie Eclipse and she tells how ...