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How to get money without working

Written by Sarcastic Sage on April 19, 2011 - Comments (6)

Help! A few months ago, I got tired of working, so I quit my job.  For some reason I couldn’t get my parents to pay my rent, and the landlord keeps asking why I haven’t paid.  I’m afraid I’ll get evicted soon!  What should I do to get money? -Broke and Desperate

Dear Broke & Desperate,

It is at difficult times such as this when one’s character and will is tested. Don’t give up on not working, but instead be creative about obtaining food and shelter. Here are some options to get you thinking a bit more creatively:

– If your parents are the conservative type who worry about their image in the community, you can cleverly hint at how you’ll embarrass them to within an inch of their lives if they don’t start being more ‘supportive’.

– It’s not easy to find people to support you if you are searching for people at the same level or above you on the attractiveness index. So find a girlfriend (or a boyfriend, works either way) who is considerably below you on the attractiveness index, and try to develop a relationship where your contribution is only your physical appearance, in return for which you can expect to be ‘taken care of’.

– Run for office, and go into politics. Sure, you’ll have to do some work in the beginning but later on down the line you’ll be able to live off of public money while whoring around claim you are doing whatever you’ll be eventually accused of for the good of the people.

I hope these examples will help put you on the right track. Do let us know how this works out for you.

Sincerely Yours,

Would you like terrible advice? Why not ask the Sarcastic Sage?


  1. Well, to give my share of advice, I’d say that you should probably look for an opportunity where you’d be paid for something you like doing anyway!
    The only problem is that such a scenario calls for one’s being doing that thing at certain times for certain durations.
    However, even that is not necessary. You could look for something like making/selling porn, or prostitution, or drug dealing, if you are interested in sex (everybody is) and drugs (everybody potentially is).
    Moreover, just to add one more example of this sort, you could be a bouncer or a waiter in a strip club!
    Look for more jobs which would make you enjoy your time there and the money you’d get would be a plus! :)

    Hope it helped. Excuse my verbosity.

  2. you could try selling blood or sperm, or maybe get in on some medical trials with different drugs. If that doesn’t work, there’s always standing on the corner with a spray bottle and some rags to wash windshields!

  3. Money doesnt grow on trees, it grows on plants called cannabis..

  4. You forgot having a baby every 2 to3 years. Make money and get foodstamps, then sell the stamps. Most folks on welfare live better than those of us who work.

  5. Hey I know how you can get a quick buck! Go sell your organs! :D

  6. should i get angry that you are writing this advice for me

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