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I’m awsome at sex

Written by Sarcastic Sage on August 16, 2011 - Comments (4)

I broke up with my boyfriend last year. He has a new girlfriend which drives me crazy but he still has sex with me because I’m awesome at it. Then he gets upset and says he feels guilty and that I am the devil. I suggested a threesome but he A) said he didn’t think I was funny when I meant it seriously B) took it as further proof that I’m the devil. I don’t mind having sex behind her back, it kind of makes the sex even hotter. However when he’s in a post coital fit of guilt and calling me Satan it kills the moment!!! How do I get him to understand my intentions aren’t evil and I just miss him? -Kelly

Dear Kelly,

I can see that you are a student of the ways of the Sarcastic Sage, and have taken it upon yourself to use a threesome at the solution to your problem. Unfortunately, you cannot just expect to apply this solution haphazardly and expect it to work. The time at which a threesome is being proposed and the manner in which it is being proposed are of utmost importance.

But to make things easier, instead of trying to come with the perfect storm for him to accept your recommendation, why not just blackmail him into it? He already thinks you are the Devil; you really have nothing to lose. This might not be the best way to show that you miss him, but if letting him defile you isn’t doing the job, I don’t know what will.

Sincerely Yours,

Would you like terrible advice? Why not ask the Sarcastic Sage?


  1. Correct him, that ‘no, you aren’t the devil and in fact, just a succubus – and the only way to get his soul back is to have a 3-way with you and his girlfriend’

  2. he still believes the tale of Adan and Eve? The devil lady who made him bite the aplle… oh my god! I hate men!
    Not only is HE guilty, but also a fucking son of a beach who wants to put the blame on you

  3. Find the girl, walk up to her, and be like “Oh! So youre [boys name]’s cousin! I saw him talking to you on the phone the other day! Im his girlfriend!”
    Bam. Revenge.

  4. So wait. She’s having sex with her ex, and he’s upset because she’s having sex with him, and he has a girlfriend?

    .. How about she JUST STOPS FUCKING HIM. Let everyone move on. While her sounds like a real keeper, having sex with his ex while in a relationship, how about everyone gets their hormones in check and stops fucking everyone.

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