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I’m dating a fat guy

Written by Sarcastic Sage on August 18, 2011 - Comments (6)

I’m doing something I never thought I’d do: dating the fat guy. And it’s great! I absolutely love my more-than-husky man but others are giving me crap about it. They think that his size should be a deal breaker for me because I’m little and pretty. They ask me things like “How do you get past his weight?” He is an amazing man. How do I make my friends STFU and see how awesome he is? -Teresa

Dear Teresa,

Your boyfriend’s size may be a back-breaking hazard, but it certainly should not be a deal breaker. It’s pretty simple. Tell your friends that you are just planning ahead for the future. Before long, your friends (you too, probably) will start losing those slim figures that attract hunky guys. Your friends will grow fat eating bonbons in front of the TV. We all know what will happen then; their boyfriends or husbands (who by that time have also grown fat and ugly) will opt for the fresh meat in the market as opposed to their chocolate-marinated lump sitting at home.

What your friends don’t realize is that you simply can’t lose going out with a fat guy. As you get older, and grow fatter, all you are going to do is catch up to him. You’ll still most likely be less fat than he is since he’s very likely going to keep growing along with you, so you’ll always be the relatively slim girlfriend (or wife).

Would you like terrible advice? Why not ask the Sarcastic Sage?


  1. Obviously she got stuck in the fat guys gravitational pull.

    “The attraction that one object has for another object due to the invisible force of gravity.”
    -Even the definition of gravitational pull seems to have something to do with love.

  2. Large guys are normally nicer than slim ones. >.> At least, thats my experience with it…

  3. Or, as usual, invite a friend for a threesome. Show them some of us bigger guys can get it done. ;)

  4. Fat can be lost….It’s ugly that sticks with you…So hopefully he’s not fat and ugly.

  5. Fat people aren’t fat, they are just full of themselves ;P

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