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Jessica Simpson Wants a Man With a Big…

jessica-simpson

…intellect.

Her recent stints with football player Tony Romo and Hollywood prett-boy John Mayer apparently didn’t take for the lack of intellectual stimulation. Simpson has revealed that she gets “…bored out pretty easily”. That is the reason she cited for needing a man of intellect and substance instead of just a good looking chap with a doorknob for a brain.

She further elaborated…

“I love artistic men – somebody that really understands their art,” says Simpson, who was once married to Nick Lachey. Adds the star, “I like a confident man.”

Simpson has been traveling the world working on her upcoming VH1 program, “The Price of Beauty,” and says the travels have been a growing experience for her. (People)

To achieve this goal of finding that special someone, Ms. Simpson is looking to hire an advisor who can tell her when she has met someone intellectual.

This presents a tremendous opportunity for every man who has the admirable desire to soil the loins of a Hollywood star. All you need to do is get in touch with her intellectualism advisor and talk about how bad war is, how fun it is to pet bunny rabbits, and how great it is to save puppies.

God speed!

11 Comments to Jessica Simpson Wants a Man With a Big…

  1. rich on The Sarcasmist rich
    October 30, 2009 at 1:41 pm |

    …and what was the point of this?

    • Philip Oliver Sopher on The Sarcasmist Philip Oliver Sopher
      October 30, 2009 at 1:44 pm |

      To detract from relevant nonsense?

  2. Philip Oliver Sopher on The Sarcasmist Philip Oliver Sopher
    October 30, 2009 at 1:43 pm |

    I was really glad to have spent a couple minutes clicking on, and then reading, this story. I mean, it was quite a knee slapper. Excellent contribution, and not the slightest bit totally fucking lame.

  3. jim on The Sarcasmist jim
    October 30, 2009 at 1:44 pm |

    So there is hope for all you nerds out there…

  4. Michael D on The Sarcasmist Michael D
    October 30, 2009 at 1:50 pm |

    Er, “the reason she SIGHTED for needing a man”?
    Cited, possibly?

  5. October 30, 2009 at 1:52 pm |

    The human mind is a lush and wonderful playground, and hers is w-i-d-e o-p-e-n!

  6. Camille on The Sarcasmist Camille
    October 30, 2009 at 1:55 pm |

    Haha, Michael D, I was just about to point out the same typo.

    It’s “cited”, folks, not “sighted”.

  7. Trev on The Sarcasmist Trev
    October 30, 2009 at 2:03 pm |

    Drop me an email then

  8. Elizabeth on The Sarcasmist Elizabeth
    October 30, 2009 at 2:06 pm |

    Josh Groban is a great, big dork who thinks he’s an artist… why not hook the two of them up?

  9. Crispy on The Sarcasmist Crispy
    October 31, 2009 at 7:22 pm |

    “soil the loins”?
    best phrase I’ve seen in a while. thanks for the disturbing image.