Michael Jackson still manages to grab headlines, pushing to the background less important topics such as the biggest recession since the Great Depression, or the fact that our law makers are infighting morons that can’t get a grip on their self-serving motives as they butcher any chance of healthcare reform. This latest headline about Jackson is no less interesting than the countless stories aired by CNN and other paragons of world-class journalism.
It has been revealed, by sources unnamed, that the numerous and painful cosmetic surgeries that Michael Jackson went through were motivated by the desire to recapture his glory from the Thriller music video by trying to permanently look like his Thriller character. But it didn’t end there, the shrewd businessman that he was (Never mind his crushing debt. That was just part of his genius–let them collect money from him now) Michael Jackson didn’t waste money on plastic surgery to only look cool, he was also using his increasingly grotesque features to try and scare away Joe Jackson who was constantly trying to scam money off of him.
With his relentless pursuit of these goals, Michael Jackson had alienated most of Hollywood since other celebrities had to wait for months to get their cosmetic surgery done due to the overwhelming demand for plastic surgeons generated by Jackson–almost every practicing plastic surgeon in Southern California was usually working on him on a daily basis.
He continues to enchant us with his life story. We simply cannot wait to find out what is next in the Michael Jackson saga.
fucking retarded
agreed
That is amazing! :) I love reading these whenever a new one is created!
this would be funnier had he not been dead and it not ended with, “He continues to enchant us with his life story. We simply cannot wait to find out what is next in the Michael Jackson saga.”
bc, I think that’s where the sarcasm was to be found, I know I’m breathless with anticipation (insert sarcastic tone here)
I must agree to: would have been funnier if he wasn’t dead. Even funnier would have been a column about retards Joe and Jermaine Jackson smiling and behaving like superstars at the premier of their dead family member… good grief… talkin grief.. where was it?
Thank god there are some people with common sense, like Bavarian Oktoberfest tent owner Mr. Kraetz, who denied Joe Jackson his request to book a table at the Oktoberfest simply because he should moan isntead of partying. You Rock!
good comment they ripped the hell out of joe jackson on the radio here in toronto canada
is eveyone even those who acctualy dont like the fact his corpse is basicaly paraded around on show forgot he used to touch up kids?
KI, the question here is? did he… ?? and if he did, why does noone blame the PARTENTS of these children for taking money instead of getting the guy prosecuted????
Ki, you are yet another intelligent, well read soul arent you! BOTH of the children (one of whom is now an adult) have come forward saying their parents made them lie for money. The elder of the two even went so far as to make a complete dick of ones self by crying and stating “Now I will never get the chance to tell him how sorry I am.” on international television. So, in answer to you ridiculous question, nobody has forgotten, just been more informed.
Yes, Lisa, not checking sources and believing whatever some random blogger writes truly define an intelligent and well-read individual.
I strongly encourage you to answer more of these ‘ridiculous questions’ in the same fashion. It makes for great entertainment.
Meh, pretty poor but everyone is allowed an “off” day
stupid…just wasted 5 minutes of my pointless day away
And you wasted another 30 seconds typing a reply? Not sad at all.
Kudos. Another on-the-button commentary. I do so love reading your delightfully skewed opinions! The ONLY problem is that you dared take on “St. Michael.” We all know that rabid devotees of any deity are incapable of tolerating, let alone understanding, anything even remotely negative (no matter how correct) about their icon. So, the St. Michaelians will tell you how stupid you are and that you’re damned for not blindly following and bowing at the feet of their beloved savior: patron of child molesters, plastic surgeons and petrified primates.
I mean he is dead. and if this story were aimed at poking fun at that death I would most likely be offended. However, I believe that the statement being made in this article is that our media is not doing its job, and just feeding meaningless information to the public. If you want to hear about Michael Jackson, you should be reading People, not watching CNN or Fox News (it’s common sense). Major props, Sarcasmist. And to the people who complained about insensitivity shame on you all.
Word.
Mark Twain said, “Humor is tragedy, plus time,” and Max Eastman said, “Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.” Michael Jackson’s story is fraught with pain and tragedy so it’s inherently darkly funny, but it may take time for people to feel like they have the distance they need to laugh. As for me, I laughed out loud at the bit about his having alienated Hollywood . :)
I agree with “jj” above when it comes to Joe and Jermaine Jackson. Their behavior has been appalling. I’d love to see something aimed in their direction.
I was not trying to insinuate that I was in any means offended by this, though ’tis true that the world has lost one of the most significant societal influences of the late 20th century, simply pointing out that it is less funny to tease about his continuing life story when there is none left to be had.
Had it said something along the lines of “The memory of “Mike” continues to enchant us with the mysteries left undiscovered. We simply cannot wait to see what else lies buried in his past along with him, perhaps reasoning for a single glove? Fashion statement or artificial hand?”
Actually, right now is when he must look like more similar to his character. What about MJ emerging from his grave and delighting us with a (death smelly) dance season?
My God! I hope he hasn’t been incinerated!
WTF!!
Another fckin’ stupid group wasting time trying to attent to MJ?
Ok, I don’t if you noticed something….HE IS DEAD! And all his life was abused by everyone! Nobody understood him and never gave them the real value that he deserved.
I just wanna say that for me, MJ was and will always be the best human being in this world, and all the fckin’ press that just care about money and bussiness and all that stupid and ignorant people who believed and still believing that crap can go to hell…Just Let it be!
Get a life, and before to talk crap, get inform of what are you talking about.
MJ Lover…4E, Just Gone Too Soon :’)
Have you not noticed that this site is about sarcasm. Also unless you live with someone every day for their entire life how do you know if they are the best human being in this world. I’m sorry, when you hold your baby over a balcony just for the press/shock value, you lose all credibilty.
the usual LOL :-)…. my sister CANT WAIT! to see the movie or whatever that is thats coming out in theaters…ugh…
great, now that we’ve all just about wasted our time reading of someone who is… No more… Let’s all wait for the next issue.. Then we can all fuckin do it again…. I need a life….
Well if nothing else I’ve been entertained. Webgirl really needs to read the post by lisa_mks. She said it far more eloquently than I am capable of at the moment. Bravo!
I would kindly like to disagree with webgirl… I think he went to late, he has scarred us all and I shall never recover from all of nonsense I have had to hear from about and from him.
MJ hater 4ever…
Excellent! You have no idea how hard I laughed!
What a stupid piece of text.
WoW!! This site is crazy! You guys lash out at each other like siblings.
Oh yeah …. webgirl – would you have left your child with him when he was alive?
If no, then all that you said is bullsiht.
If yes, then you are so obsessed with the IDEA of MJ that you want to vicariously molested through your offspring.
Either way—you are sick and deserve free health care.
Yes the text is true we are obessed with MJ. Its only the fourth time this year he is a topic on twitter, his death over shadowed a possible attack on iran and north korea for goodness. At least the royalties for all of this is going to the kids and not joe. Who wants to bet the next sage will be Debbie Roe and a court date after the royalties for this year have been filed?
Shut up all you haters, if you don’t like the sarcasmist then don’t read it!! I am amazed how the comments here are always so negative ” I just wasted five minutes of my time” Yeah, i’m sure since your fatass is sitting around surfing for amusement on the web your time is SO valuable! What do you want? A time-back guarantee before you read anything? “What a stupid piece of text” Well thank you, that made it all better now that you kindly shared your highly valued opinion with us, oh master. Morons. Get a life. But above all, don’t come here. And if you do, dont leave your farts in the room, go do it outside.
I love you Isabella
Using the word retards is wrong any way you look at it. It’s a slur against a group of people who can’t defend themselves against the likes of you. Look up the word bully.
wow…..this is my fisrt article on this site and i have to say im impressed. but mj a great human being?? i agree he was a great entertainer, but human being? what did he ever contribute to society to make him so great? 3 other hollywood icons died that week, one of them was an american war hero turned actor who donated his money and time, the other was Farrah Faccet who recorded her last months alive even when it was painful or embarassing for her just so she could help spread awareness of cancer and prescreenin. cant remember the last one but i know he also frequently donated to charities. micheal jackson’s family was the only one who recieved a letter of condolence from the president and again i ask……what did he do?