Tiger Woods: Lover of the Female Form
Many married men have fallen victim to lust and destroyed their life and well as the lives of their families; however, the Tiger Woods saga is a completely different animal. The Sarcasmist’s highly trained news ninjas have found out that Mr. Woods’ original intentions were nothing but the mere infatuation by the female form.
Allegedly, Mr. Woods originally became interested in golf because the undulating golf course surface reminded him of the curves of a woman. This passion in him has led him to fall in love with the sport as a means of taking his mind off of actual women; unfortunately, this diversion did not fully quench his thirst for real women, and he ended up admiring women’s bodies with his own.
The Sarcasmist is appalled at news stories damning Mr. Woods and painting him as a monster who cheated on his wife. This is an absolute abomination. When did the mainstream media become the home of tabloid journalism? It seems that news shows no longer care for stories with true impact on the World around us, and are only interested in attention-grabbing headlines that will get them the most eyeballs and consequently the most advertising money.
This will not last! People shall rise up and demand real news, just like they did when the networks tried to jam Michael Jackson down their throats 24 hours a day.
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Rubbish ! He just likes swinging his club and trying for all eighteen holes. There is no evidence that he prefers the back nine either, before someone hints at it!
lawl
Agreed. Unfortunately the ‘mainstream media’ has become our source for sensationalistic ‘journalism’, and has been for many years. So Tiger’s human; like the rest of us, flawed and imperfect. Not exactly worthy of national, even global attention.
Ridiculous how media is such a rumor mill. Tiger started playing golf at the age of 2 and was basically a child prodigy at the sport by the time he was 5. So the whole women’s curvatures crud is just that…crud.
And i agree, there has GOT to be something more important to plaster on the news than these kind of topics. Media should save it for the Star magazines etc….
Wrong. He had a tit in his mouth long before he had his club in his tiny hands.
Oh for the love of pete! Cheryl do me and the world a favour here and go tapdance on a minefield. If you’re not quite sure why then look at the name of the website you are on, then read the article again. If you still dont understand then lather, rinse, repeat until the penny drops. Honestly!
On and PGA, LMAO! Touche` =D
I think it’s time to brand his forehead with the letter A…seems that’s the direction the media has taken lately. Personally I think it’s a matter that is between Tiger and his wife..but that’s JMHO>
It is obvious. Tiger Woods prefers the classic ‘three-hole’ golf course.
If he did what you suggest, he would not have strayed from his wife
Actually, i think the fact that he was a child prodigy just highlights the fact that he was attracted to the curves of the golf course. Heck, I get aroused when I see a golf course. Those curves are unmistakeable reminders of the human breast. The similiarities are unmistakeable. And, when it’s a water hole, well even the smell might be the same.
I think the real problem is that he actually bagged the front nine. But, the magazines have not finished their research, and it’s possible he’s also done the back nine. I hope to hear that on CNN tomorrow. In fact, I hope CNN is reading this, so they can get good story lines.
Our obsession is perfectly healthy. We know that sex is one of the main drivers of accomplishment. So, it just makes sense. Tiger was attracted to golf at an early age because the curves of the golf course reminded him of the female breast. He did well because any male would want to excel in that setting. We are jealous because we want to do equally well. So, it is news worthy. Think about it…he bagged nine half-way decent women when he was married to a hot model. Any guy wants to know exactly how to do this…..I hope CNN figures that out too!
You, sir, are my hero.
i agree with you Jonathan!! When i see a golf course it always gives me a VERY hard horn…..I drive past a golf course…..the horn! I dream of golf courses….the horn! I see one on the tele……you guessed it, A very hard hard horn! Tiger just took it to another level and i say 3 cheers to the boy! What better way to enjoy the ‘HORN’ than share it with many, many randy young female golf fans whop obviously follow the mens tour. The female tour dosnt give me the horn…..too many carpet lickers!!!
Too soon, too soon :P LOL decent read though.
I don’t think I will look at another golf course, quite the same way Lol
From a big name merchandise seller, Tiger is dropping into a poster child for STDs- unfortunately, so might his trusting wife, unwittingly…
Who are these phucks to voice their fake outrage at a guy who has made a bost load of money playing golf? I wonder how many women out there whose husband’s and boyfriends go play golf actually believe the subject of converstaion between “the guys” is absolutely always about golf? In a world where human “hens” constantly gossip and cackle about sex but expect that their man doesn’t is ridiculous. Tiger is just one of those guys who can back up his exploits. If the jealous would just shut the fuck up for a second, the silence would be deafening. All kneel to golfers for they are the deciders and leaders of all others moralities, yeah right. The perceived media response to this melodrama makes me ashamed to be a human being. If you buy or bought Nike golf equipment (or anything for that matter) because of your perceived belief in a shared morality of the pitchman, you are either the stupidest most gulible idiot to walk the earth or you are a liar and thus a hippocrit to condemn or loathe tiger woods. Who you loathe is yourself.
Congratulations on graduating from Kindergarten this week !
Now, If you concentrate during spelling bees thru first grade, they may let you use crayons next year!