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U.S. government denies the existence of aliens

Written by The Sarcasmist on November 8, 2011 - Comments (6)

A 1967 Soviet Union 16 kopeks postage stamp, depicting a satellite from an imagined extraterrestrial civilization

The White House Office of Science & Technology Policy has commented about alien life and its presence, now or at any point in the past, on the planet Earth.

Phil Larson of the White House Office of Science & Technology Policy wrote in a statement which was released on November 4th, saying that “The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race. In addition, there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.”

I wish they had come out with this statement decades ago. It would have put to rest all the conspiracy theories about the government hiding information about aliens visiting our planet.

The message from the Obama administration was a response to two posted petitions on the White House’s “We the People” website, which allows the U.S. public to air grievances by posting petitions on the website. There were two petitions posted, one asking the government to formally acknowledge and extraterrestrial presence in contact with the human race, and another asking the Obama administration to “immediately disclose the government’s knowledge of and communications with extraterrestrial beings.”

As Americans, we are horrified and fascinated by aliens, as illustrated by cinema and cheap gardening services.


  1. I still believe they exist.

  2. We have been keeping a low profile while gathering evidence on the Eathlings. They havn’t noticed me yet so I can still deny it.

  3. then how on Earth do they explain Playstation one and two?!? IT’S A CONSPIRACY I TELLS YA!

  4. Dear Mr. Sarcasmist,

    Hire a proof reader.

    Yours Truly,
    Everyone on Earth (both human & alien)

  5. If there’s no such thing as aliens then how do they account for royalty?

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