’)
In a new surge to build self confidence, women are turning to labiaplasty, a cosmetic procedure which is meant to reduce the size of the labia minora (irony anyone?), in an attempt to make the vagina more attractive (Times Online). Unfortunately, these women are being fleeced of thousands of dollars without knowing the reality of what makes them attractive to men. Here is a short list as part of Sarcasmist’s humanitarian efforts.
To make yourself more attractive, there are many other things that you should concern yourself with before you get to sculpting your vagina.
- Don’t laugh like a hyena (not even when you are alone with your beau)
- Take care of excess hair (if you have to ask whether a particular patch is ‘extra’ then it needs to go)
- Don’t chew gum like you are trying to tenderize a car tire
- Learn how to wear makeup (if flies can’t fly away after landing on your face, you are wearing too much)
- Bathe in water instead of perfume
There are many more tips but we’ll leave it here for now. And, ladies, if you insist on getting a surgery on your privates, consider hymenoplasty; as we all know, it’s what on the inside that counts.
Note: This topic was brought to the Sarcasmist’s attention by a vigilant fan
Has no one “touched” this one yet??
Very nice suggestions. All the things we do to impress seem to have the opposite effect. Where have we gone wrong?
Where have “we” gone wrong? Speak for yourself.
Dear Anonymous Author,
Wow! I feel so much better after that advice!
Yours,
A fragrance-free ,bald mute.
(tamrod, are you agreeing or disagreeing with the above checklist? I reckon the exact same list could be applied to men too).
So you laugh like a hyena in attempt to impress the men?
Riiiiight, men oftentimes use WAY too much makeup and usually laugh like hyena’s. Maybe you’re referring to the “men” you’re dating.
so you would prefer that we all laugh like hyenas, have a girl-beards, chew gum like we’re trying to tenderize a car tire, cake on the makeup and bathe in perfume? because i thought the list was a pretty obvious way to not repulse people in general…
Hahaha, Looks like I’ve been doing the right things so far; hopefully I’m not the only one who thinks the idea of having cosmetic surgeries in my danger zone is unbelievably repulsive.
Shhh! From my lips to yours.
ugh, i think it’s ridiculous that some women need to hack off parts of their genitals to feel like men would want them! as for the above mentioned checklist, hyena-laughs and perfumes clouds irritate everyone, lol.
schnoob- there is no way a scalpel is going near my danger zone!
Absolutely spot on!!
Wow.. I guess as ladies, we are running out of things to alter on our body to attract a mate. I would be a little embarrased going to that doctor appt. Va-jay-jay rejuvenation at it’s best – I guess the penile implant hasn’t been going to well.. >: x
1) Most guys are pretty happy just seeing one.
2) Why isn’t there a ballsackoplasty? No dude can criticize labia knowing what visual atrocity is hanging under his dick.
thats hilarious! and true!!!
the check listt for most lads usualy
goes as far as
a: have you got one?
b: will you get it out (maybe not
straight away…)
c: does it “work”?
you lady’s shouldnt worry bouy it,
men dont. i’m sure your “grippers”x
look fine, ya dont need to lob
bits off. :]
6. excessive mammaries… never too much of a good thing.
7. if it’s a story about your dog or grandchild, just shut the hell up.
8. own a sports franchise or a brewery (preferably both).
9. develop an oral fixation.
10. nails, polished and neat are usually more noticable than the labia minora… usually.
However, if your genitals look like Jessica Alba’s lips turned sideways, yeah, go for the reduction!
for one excessive mammaries are what got me great tips while working in a mexican resturaunt, and my boyfriend (now husband loves stories about my goofy dogs), and sports franchise and brewery are only if your trying to find your self a nfl and nba fan, and brewery why would someone want to own something that smells as bad as it looks