’)
In yet another humanitarian effort by the Sarcasmist, he is determined to put an end to FATS (Fat Assault Through Spillover). It is a well known fact that airplane travel is exceedingly uncomfortable due to the tiny seats (which only recline half an inch), and the constant hum of the jet engines (to name just a couple of annoyances). With all the difficulties that travelers have to put up with, it would be nice if during flight they were not assailed by fat coming over and under the armrest. With this in mind, the Sarcasmist has developed a health plan (it’s not a diet) to help those with unruly fat deposits to fit into airplane seats without choking the person next to them to death.
To utilize this health plan, you will need to have at least a cursory grasp on basic arithmetic (you’ll need to add and subtract). Here are the basic steps to being healthy by gaining control over your excessive fat deposits:
- Figure out how many calories you burn per day (there are numerous calculators which can help you figure out an estimate)
- Consume fewer calories than you burn
Here is where the adding comes in. Every time you eat something, figure out how many calories you are consuming and add it up during the day, as you eat each meal or snack. Keep the number of calories that you consume lower than the number of calories that you burn, and you’ll show your excess fat deposits who is boss.
Please consider using this health plan to avoid fighting assault charges the next time you fly the friendly skies.
That’s wrong…being a former fat person. You obviously don’t have any idea of how difficult it is to loose weight!
Or to spell correctly! “LOOSE”
yeah its called sarasism rachel, you know haha funny, and how do you know this persons weight?
to be honest this made me giggle, quite alot
Lol.. fat people justifying their intrusion on non-fat people’s space. It’s like smokers saying sure, I blow smoke in your face shortening the span of your life, but it’s okay because it’s just too hard to quit!
Get a grip. Mix in a salad.
Unless I’m mistaken, the point of the post was that it’s actually pretty simple to lose weight: you just need to eat fewer calories than you burn.
Of course, it’d never work. Everyone knows that weight loss can only happen with fad diets, self-induced acidosis, and hiring a personal trainer to give you advice you won’t follow.
hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmm having helped 3 family members to LOSE a cumulative weight of over 200 lbs. there was really only 1 rule they followed religiously. To not eat as much. Of course it was Excruciating work for them because it took time and their weight loss didn’t happen over night. It’s a wonder they didn’t give up after the first 4 hrs of this torture. ARG so hard! MUST HAVE SNICKERS BAR!
And you obviously don’t know how easy it is to NOT EAT.
Why don’t you tell us all? I only lost 285 pounds on my own by eating less than I burn and exercising. I had to STOP MAKING EXCUSES. It’s hard, yeah, but stop making excuses and just do it and don’t expect it to all melt off over night.
You guys that say it is easy to lose weight with only eating less calories…step into a body that has medical issues that stop you from losing weight. Try stepping into a female body that has PCOS and try losing it. I eat under what I burn but because of PCOS my body hangs on to all of it and i don’t lose any.
Understand the issue before commenting on it.
Then why, Rachel, are there no fat people in the third world countries where they can’t get enough food?
Surely if – as you say – it’s not just about eating, there would be fat people there too
sofa king brilliant!!!! <3
being a different former fat person I can assure you that the math is sound, albeit crude and offensive to some (bear in mind where this is posted while reading). Yeah, it sucks to try to lose weight and yeah there are a hundred different reasons people fail to lose weight (slow metabolism, injuries, unable to afford healthier food, lazy…) but it ultimately comes down to will power and self-control. and btw, lose is spelled l-o-s-e, not loose
unable to afford healthier food? get a grip. Try some brown rice and broccoli. Produce and grains at the grocery store are MUCH cheaper than big macs and pepperoni pizzas.
The cost of food is no excuse.
‘me’, you have to keep in mind that some families only get food from food pantries, and they rarely have much brown rice or broccoli… they usually have stuff like cookies and easy mac and pizza and full fatted meats…
Take it from me, I had to feed myself off of that when I left home. Luckily, my local grocery store’s vegetable section had a five finger discount going…
Yeah, it’s not that hard to LOSE weight, fat poeple just don’t know how. This is obviously an effort at educating our overweight masses on how to lose it! You know, to make it “easier”.
OH WOW ITS THAT EASY? Why are half these articles bashing fat people. You know drug addicts and alcoholics have the same issues, but its not funny to make fun of them. And the hardest thing about dealing with a food addiction is that you CAN’T QUIT EATING. I don’t even want to get into how the Western world hates fat people but environment we are surrounded in does nothing but promote obesity. As a former fat person myself, my world before getting healthy was clueless on what to do to change my lifestyle. Its not as easy as counting calories, just doing that most people would fail, because its more than that…
If it’s not funny to make fun of drug addicts and alcoholics then why are there so many jokes about crackheads and Irish people?
I’ll go out on a limb and say that most of us here are pretty comfortable bashing drug addicts and alcoholics in addition to fat people. And nobody is saying it’s easy. Just that it’s a pretty simple equation. Eat more than you burn = gain weight. Eat less than you burn = lose weight. Hardly rocket-science.
The objections being presented are that the solution is hard to implement. But it takes years to get fat. How exactly is it supposed to be easy or quick headed in the other direction?
for me it’s HAS just been counting calories though, although i know it may be different for others…not to mention that there is no way you can be ignorant if you even somewhat tried because there are plenty of books and such out there…AND you gotta remember that this is on a *sarcastic* site.
As a former fat person….it IS as simple as that to lose weight! When fat, I never understood why I was fat…surely I didn’t eat THAT badly! Then I did some math, and learned about calories and went, “OMG!!! That’s why I’m fat!” and so I decided NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS THIN FEELS!! and I stopped eating the fatty foods, as good as they were…and I shrunk and shrunk and shrunk! Society doesn’t promote obesity, marketing does. Society promotes healthy lifestyles. However, us fatties, like to point the finger at someone else…It’s not my fault McDonalds put up a giant picture of a burger and I couldn’t resist!! …uhh yes it is…put down the fork! This article couldn’t be more perfect!!
Irish are not all alcoholics. I am Irish and never once have I been to an AA meeting. I am simply a drunk.
OMG If it was as simple as eating healthy & getting some excercise then everyone would be doing it (please insert sarcastic tone here)
our society does not promote obesity, your hand to mouth movement does, i love food, love it! in fact, i could eat hobnobs til i burst, do you know why i’m not fat? because i eat a couple then think to myself, if i eat anymore, i’ll become fat. this is the difference between us and you. you and only you can control what you stick in your mouth, everyone finds it hard to walk past the pork pies, cream cakes, double choc chip cookies(mmm) and do you think i enjoy walking to work in the pissing rain when my car is parked outside? no, but the pay off is i look(and feel) good. stop blaming everyone else for your weight problems, once you accept only you can control it you will make some headway. also forget about fad diets, all you need is two sentences……….eat less, move more!
Excuses, excuses.
Says the one who lost 285 pounds on her own.
I also used to be fat, and of course there are a bunch of factors that influence that, but the Sarcasmist is right in a basic sense: Consuming fewer calories than you burn off in a day WILL make you lose weight. Many people’s problem is that they don’t burn off a healthy amount of calories in a day, leading them to consume way less calories than is healthy for their body. This means that they need to increase their activity level to burn off more calories so that they are able to consume a healthy amount of calories in a day without gaining weight.
So is losing weight really that easy? Yes and no.
lol… this made me laugh… and I come from a long line of fat people… I battle being over weight myself but, I learned at a young age that cake + couch = fat ass
LOL – that’s some good math :)
Haaaa ha ha love this. It certainly makes sense. I need to lose about 20 lbs… I recently became a vegetarian which in theory sounds healthy, except I’m really overcompensating for the lack of meat in my diet by eating too much pasta :( I will definitely try this approach!
Being a larger person that’s getting smaller I thought this was hilarious! Always nice to have a reminder how it works ;-)
Filling the void with food, drugs, shopping, etc. is the American way! All I know is that all the women in my family are fat – except for me. Oh, the old ‘genetics’ argument. You know why I’m not fat? Burning more calories then you shove down your pie hole is practical math. Going to the gym or walking 4 times per week takes work. You ain’t willing to do the work, then you will incur wrath on your next plane flight.
YOU won’t, the person next to you will.