Walnuts are good for your nuts

A new study claims that men can improve the quality of their sperm by eating a daily ration of walnuts.

The study, funded in part by the California Walnut Commission, shows men who consumed 75 grams of walnut a day for a period of twelve weeks had better sperm quality compared to when they started the regiment.

“It would be relatively easy to poke fun at studies like this, but there is increasing evidence to show that aspects of a man’s diet can affect the number and quality of sperm produced by his testicles,” Dr. Allan Pacey, senior lecturer in andrology at the University of Sheffield, said to the BBC.

Easy to poke fun? Why would anyone poke fun at a study about the benefits of walnuts funded by the California Walnut Commission? There isn’t anything funny about malformed sperm, and whatever we can do to improve the shape of men’s sperm gets a thumbs up from me. They should also do a study whether rubbing walnut oil on the scrotum, or even better dipping it in a cup full of the oil.

I do hope that these researchers don’t stop at nuts, and also study the effects of melons on the shape of breasts. Surely, the melon commission of at least one state would be willing to foot at least half the bill for such a research project. The melon study would of course need to be followed by studies about apricots, peaches and cucumbers.