Sarcasm ahead!

The Sarcasmist

10 Signs You Might Be a Douchebag

1. You spend most of your time online correcting spelling errors without ever contributing anything substantive to the conversation.
2. You ask for the manager when you realize the $0.99 soup you ordered doesn’t live up to your standards.
3. You comment on Facebook status updates before reading the entire post.
4. You keep complaining about how there is nothing to watch on TV, yet the only programs you do watch are COPS and Dr. Phil.
5. You are Dr. Phil.
6. You are on Jersey Shore (the TV Show, or the actual place for that matter)
7. You wear sunglasses indoors, and at night.
8. Your pants are on the ground.
9. There is no room in your trunk because it is full of speakers.
10. You drive a $100k car but never have enough money to get a full tank of gas.

82 Comments to 10 Signs You Might Be a Douchebag

  1. Rich on The Sarcasmist Rich
    January 29, 2010 at 12:48 pm |

    SO F-ING TRUE.

  2. gilly on The Sarcasmist gilly
    January 29, 2010 at 12:49 pm |

    you drive a 100k car but cant afford to put rims on it, or buy wiper fluid

    • DaytonHawk on The Sarcasmist DaytonHawk
      January 29, 2010 at 1:07 pm |

      Putting rims on almost any car makes you a douchebag

    • Quiche on The Sarcasmist Quiche
      January 29, 2010 at 4:46 pm |

      What if you don’t want rims? I don’t think my parents would spend money on rims. And they can afford it.

    • mikely on The Sarcasmist mikely
      January 30, 2010 at 11:46 am |

      @quickey…I mean Quiche, unfortunately my father has spinners on his buick rendezvous. Douche Bag Deluxe.

  3. echo on The Sarcasmist echo
    January 29, 2010 at 12:50 pm |

    11. you ARE a Douchebag

  4. A on The Sarcasmist A
    January 29, 2010 at 12:52 pm |

    11) You wear a ski hat, indoors, in the summer and when you’re not skiing.
    12) You wear anything Ed Hardy
    13) You’re Ed Hardy
    14) You’re Colin Ferrell

    • Andrew on The Sarcasmist Andrew
      January 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm |

      15. you quote verbatim a plot point of a Family Guy episode without attributing properly.

    • Jesse on The Sarcasmist Jesse
      January 31, 2010 at 2:37 am |

      FARRELL!! Im a douchebag..and what?

    • February 2, 2010 at 2:56 pm |

      Ed Hardy was actually not a Douchebag….Christian O’Douchier bought his name and douched it up…

  5. January 29, 2010 at 12:53 pm |

    10. You think your windshield is going to be good for $100, but your wife’s purse costs $536!

  6. mrwullie on The Sarcasmist mrwullie
    January 29, 2010 at 12:57 pm |

    You spend 10 minutes in a fast food lineup in front of a gigantic illuminated menu and when it’s your turn, you can’t decide what you want.

    • Kat on The Sarcasmist Kat
      January 29, 2010 at 7:02 pm |

      Yes.
      And then you get mad at the worker when they ask you to step aside while they help the next person.

  7. NumbaOnePunna on The Sarcasmist NumbaOnePunna
    January 29, 2010 at 12:57 pm |

    So true on so many levels.

  8. john on The Sarcasmist john
    January 29, 2010 at 1:01 pm |

    wow this is gay.

    • DaytonHawk on The Sarcasmist DaytonHawk
      January 29, 2010 at 1:08 pm |

      How is it gay?

      Did you see it having gay sex with other top 10 lists?

    • jaf1230 on The Sarcasmist jaf1230
      January 29, 2010 at 1:08 pm |

      11. You’re a homophobe.

    • Bob on The Sarcasmist Bob
      January 29, 2010 at 1:10 pm |

      12. jaf is a homo.

    • Jace on The Sarcasmist Jace
      January 29, 2010 at 1:12 pm |

      13. You use homophobic slurs because you’re insecure with your own sexuality

    • Bob on The Sarcasmist Bob
      January 29, 2010 at 1:17 pm |

      14. Being self rightous and unable to recognize humor.

    • Legend on The Sarcasmist Legend
      January 29, 2010 at 1:22 pm |

      15. You believe that only homophobia can explain gay insults.

    • Bob on The Sarcasmist Bob
      January 29, 2010 at 1:27 pm |

      16. Too stupid to realize the word “gay” has several meanings.

      17. If you take things out of context for your own agenda.

    • nunya78 on The Sarcasmist nunya78
      January 29, 2010 at 1:43 pm |

      you have an argument/insult contest in a thread meant to be funny

    • SBaker on The Sarcasmist SBaker
      January 29, 2010 at 1:43 pm |

      18. You use the word “agenda” to justify being a douchbag to anyone!

    • Everyone20 on The Sarcasmist Everyone20
      January 29, 2010 at 2:24 pm |

      19. If you’re anyone else but me. I’m awesome!

    • Jimmy on The Sarcasmist Jimmy
      January 30, 2010 at 1:07 pm |

      20. You insult others though random unfunny ‘10 signs’ lists by adding another 50 different things and think your just so cool because of it.

  9. Ha! on The Sarcasmist Ha!
    January 29, 2010 at 1:02 pm |

    11. You may be a douchebag if you don’t order your 10 list in descending order.

    • Laura on The Sarcasmist Laura
      January 29, 2010 at 1:12 pm |

      It said “10 signs”, not “Top 10 signs”, therefore it was counting. Do you count things by starting at 10? I would say that #11 is “being you”, however pointing out this insignificant piece of incorrect information just makes you an idiot, not a douche.

  10. Brans on The Sarcasmist Brans
    January 29, 2010 at 1:04 pm |

    The Sarcasmist January 29, 2010 at 1:00 pm |

    ∞ You expand on a list of 10 by adding a 10th entry.

    LMAO!