All quotes courtesy of the Starbucks website
“Starbucks has found a way to offer a truly great cup of coffee that you can prepare by just adding water.”
Hmm, so you mean like instant coffee?
“We believe other instant coffees taste flat and lifeless. Starbucks VIA™ Ready Brew is different – it’s full-bodied and flavorful, just like the Starbucks® coffee you know and love.
I thought your customers were flat and lifeless (after paying $5 for a latte), but what do I know.
One of the headings on the Starbucks VIA™ web page reads “How Starbucks VIA™ Can Change Your Life”, and is followed by “It’s pretty revolutionary, when you think about it. With Starbucks VIA™, great coffee can be yours anytime, anywhere. A life-altering concept, with tasty consequences, to be sure. But with endless possibilities for enjoyment,…”
Revolutionary? Life-altering? Wow! And there are endless possibilities, it seems. Odd, I was under the impression that the only possibility was to enjoy a cup of coffee, but I’m sure the coffee scientists know better.
The kind Starbucks people have also gone out of their way to develop a guide about how best to enjoy VIA™.
“We’ve put together a handy little guide to help you answer that very question. Have a read through for suggestions on how to make the most of Starbucks VIA™. Then invent some yourself and share them here with us.”
I always want to pull out a guidebook for coffee making when I’m in rush and want to make instant coffee before dashing off to wherever I am going. Another giant leap for mankind.
How could I LIVE witout it until now???
Oh mah gawd I must git dis kawfee nao!!! I’m alwyz n such a rush I cnt spel wurds rite!!!
It’s a bit ironic that as I read this there is a Starbucks ad on the side of the page.
Making Instant Coffee… for people who are too lazy or broke to spend 30 bucks and get a coffee maker that has a timer so that if they’re in a rush in the morning, they can actually grab a real cup of coffee!
$30.00 — that’s six lattes, kids. Seriously, think about it.
I guess The Sarcasmist still has to get paid.
The only coffee I can afford outside the stuff made at home at the Supermarket I work at. 99 cents and worth every penny.
Man, if I drank coffee, this would totally change my life. Crap, it’s changing my life just THINKING about it!
Oh, hey, thanks, Star
sucksbucks, for inventing instant – WAIT A MINUTE.Wow, Charbucks is not just a heartless, neo-chic, franchise with burnt Robusta beans, hipster douchebag cashiers, and over-priced marketing schtick…
They are a cultural zeitgeist!
I’m hurt. We’re not all hipster douchebags. Some of us just needed a job… And to be fair, they actually do give quite a bite back to the community. Have you actually done any research here, or are you just jumping to conclusions?
We’re just assuming that this is a sarcasm sight and are not only aloud, but expected to type scathing remarks. Let’s not turn this into another debate like the insurance company article.
yeah, enjoy your own cup and then come tell us new recipes so we can steal them off you to make more delicious creations that have never been seen before! So revolutionary…
Free coffee at work WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Really…Really People?
INSTANT COFFEE! My Life is soo changed!!
Now i can be fat and lazy sitting on my couch and sipping my instant coffee! THIS IS F*CKING AWESOME!!
Life altering…tasty consequences…endless possibilities for enjoyment??? How do I get the guidebook? Can’t imagine I’ve lived this long thinking that the good old fashioned coffee maker was the way to go. Sign me up! I need to broaden my horizons. Seriously, whoever thought this up is getting paid entirely too much for being bored!
I think it’s kind of ironic that there are google ads for Starbucks coffee on here…
I don’t get why everyone is always against starbucks, their coffee is good, if you don’t like it you can’t dispute the fact that many people do. And their lattes are not $5. The largest one is under $4 and the small is around $3. Some restaurants charge $3 for a soda. And if the price is that big of a deal, don’t freaking get it, stick to your cup full of nasty folgers coffee.
It’s amazing how many people who don’t understand sarcasm read the Sarcasmist…
This is directed at the dumb comments, not the original post, b/c I know the upper management of Starbucks is batshit insane.
I used to work at Starbucks, and the kids that work there are usually alright. Every question they ask you after you order a drink is REQUIRED. The manager will sometimes sit there and watch you when you’re training to make sure that you’re making sure you ask every single question. Some of the customers are terrible though.
They throw their drink back in your face and yell “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU THIS IS 145 DEGREES MAKE IT AGAIN!” Like what.. you have a thermometer?
And those that complain that 7/11 is cheaper or tastes better, congratulations. If you order a CUP OF COFFEE at Starbucks its about 2$, and you get to make it yourself. If you don’t like the taste.. you’re like the bud light drinker of people who love beer.