Job Search Tips from the Sarcasmist
In this tough job market and rising unemployment it is very important to go about your job search the right way. There are little known tips and tricks that can help you gain an edge over your competition and get the job you want. Here is a list of 10 things to keep in mind when looking for a job. No need to thank the Sarcasmist; he is, after all, a humanitarian if nothing else.
Things you should keep in mind when looking for a job
- Under no circumstances check your resume for misspellings.
- Arrive fashionably late to interviews.
- Do not research the company you are interviewing with.
- Do not prepare thoughtful answers to standard interview questions (an interviewer is going to know that you are being fake—think on your feet).
- Do not send separate emails to each potential employer. Just CC your resume to multiple places (don’t BCC, you want to make sure everyone sees how efficient and ambitious you are).
- Write a generic cover letter and email the same thing to every potential employer. Better yet, don’t include a cover letter at all—just put ‘see attached’ in your email (and forget to attach your resume).
- Use cute email stationary (e.g. dancing bears or colorful flowers).
- Always answer ‘I take my work too seriously’ if you are asked to talk about one of your flaws during an interview.
- If you are asked ‘where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’, the answer to that question should always indicate your desire to be in a completely different field than the one you are currently applying for.
- Last, but not least, make sure to ask a friend or family member to call your mobile during an interview. When the phone rings, act all upset and make a joke like “I’m in such high demand. They just won’t leave me alone.”
Happy job hunting!
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Lawl
Ponchos and huaraches are back, don´t you forget that.
Aw man, this advice totally didn’t work. I’m sincerely disappointed.
Thanks! Im currently looking for a job right now, and I was doing it all wrong! Now I’ll be able to find my dream job as a garbage man lol
Ask questions like “how long do we get for lunch” and how the company can work round your 20 a day habit sooner rather than later. It shows an enquiring mind.
Awesome!
Nothing says I want this job more than a spider web tattooed across your neck.
A quick smoke of the crack pipe will have them begging for more.
Realise your dreams!!
I also find violently breaking wind helps, it certainly takes the attention away from my unironed shirt
I’ve discovered that any of the following are prerequisites of getting hired here:
1)Wearing a halter/tube top.
2)Not being able to read or write
3)Being under qualified for the position
4)Obviously being too young to have any kind of experience in the industry.
5)Don’t wear a suit and tie, or even nice shoes to the interview.
6)Not being able to fill out the application without the help of the people you came with.
7)Having low enough morals that you’re willing to flat out lie on your job application.