Mom! It's like Raffi is right in front of us!
With the recent popularity and success of 3D movies such as Avatar, and the launch of 3D television sets by Samsung, Panasonic, and Sony, it was only a matter of time before 3D technology spilled into other areas of the entertainment industry. 3D concerts are the latest trick that technical wizards are pulling out of their hats.
This new technology is being touted as the ‘thing to revive live concerts’.
“It’s as if the band is playing right in front of you,” said an enthusiastic fan who participated in a focus group.
Promoters and artists are lining up to be part of what is being called a revolution in live music entertainment.
Can I have some vodka with that please?
Inspired by a recent study, that concluded that women who drink moderately are less likely to gain weight, the Sarcasm Society’s research division launched a study to find the relationship between food intake and weight gain.
Surprisingly, just like the ‘drunk women’ study, it was discovered that moderate food intake by women can be a good indicator of future weight gain, or lack thereof. Women who enjoy a moderate diet, are far less likely to gain weight; and those who do, gain less than those who stuff their face with pie and other goodies. This was especially true if a the women included a couple of drinks per day as part of their diet.
Burrrr!
Hearkening back to the days of the Cold War with the Soviet Union, the Pentagon is working on starting a cold war with the Al Qaeda to replace the actual war it is fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan.
This new approach is meant to keep the War on Terror alive and well, while reducing the cost by many orders of magnitude. It is believed that the Pentagon will be able to hold the balance of power by keeping a healthy stock of primitive machine guns and road-side bombs. The money saved could be put to better use. General Peter Eyott said…
“The money that we’ll be able to save will be invested in research and development to help design and manufacture technologically advanced weaponry, such as new fighter jets. This is absolutely crucial since the current fleet is in bad shape due to disuse.”
"One day I'll just turn right."
Unbeknownst to most, NASCAR drivers have secretly developed a campaign to change the shape of all the the race tracks so they are not so mind-numbingly boring. One of the more vociferous drivers, who wished to remain anonymous, said,
“It’s not just us–it’s the fans too! How long can someone just sit there and watch cars go in a circle? Why do you think alcohol consumption is so high at the race track? It’s because people are trying to keep themselves from being bored to death.”
“We are not greyhounds for God’s sake!”, said another driver.
Anonymous
In an unexpected revelation, a former member of the Church of Scientology has revealed that despite the highly effective Dianetics program (which starts with a stress test), Scientology members are highly stressed. This is very strange because almost all psychological and religious advice given by science fiction writers is extremely reliable, helpful, and effective.
For those who are unfamiliar with Scientology, it is the brainchild of marginally successful science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard who said that “if you want to make a lot of money, start your own religion.”
“This kind of criticism is something we are used to; however, we refuse to allow skepticism and antagonism from non-believers to get in the way of our members’ spiritual well being.” said David O. Uschberg, a Scientology representative, as he was counting cash contributions from members.
