I am here to save you from the horrors of mini-skirts
The Libyan dictator, Muammar Gaddafi, in a stroke of brilliance has figured out the best group to preach Middle-Eastern style Islam to. It turns out that women are the best group to convince to convert to Islam. Why you ask? It’s because the life of women in the Middle East is far better than elsewhere in the World. They are highly valued and protected in every manner possible. For example, Saudi Arabia forbids women from driving lest they hurt themselves in an accident.
Gaddafi, knowing how poisoned non-Muslim minds can be, decided to trick women into attending a lecture where he would attempt to convince them into converting to Islam.
The women at Sunday’s event were promised €50 (£45) and told not to arrive in miniskirts or low-cut tops. They assembled outside a hotel in the centre, where several were rejected because they were either too short or revealingly dressed. The rest – most teetering on stilettos and some wrapped in furs – boarded buses and were driven to the Libyan ambassador’s residence. (The Guardian)
Despite his brilliant technique, Gaddafi has missed the central tenet of any organized religion, namely the financial support of preachers by believers, not the other way around.
The U.S. is very concerned with the lack of freedom the Chinese people suffer. This is one of the biggest concerns of our day. The freedom of other people is of paramount importance. China should surely follow the advice of the people who brought freedom and democracy to Iraq and are poised to do the same for Afghanistan. The Chinese people are missing out on all the benefits that a western-style government can offer. The Chinese government needs to learn from the United States about how to present a people-friendly façade, while screwing the lower and ‘middle’ class behind their backs.
The way China is going about things is completely wrong.
[Obama] told an audience of Chinese students that certain freedoms were universal – and not just limited to Americans. (BBC)
That’s right you silly Chinese, it is your right to have a $10,000 credit card debt before you finish college. And it is your right to stumble through college learning nothing more important than propaganda disguised as education.
In his speech at the Shanghai Science and Technology Museum, President Obama said…
“We do not seek to impose any system of government on any other nation, but we also don’t believe that the principles we stand for are unique to our nation,” he said.
“These freedoms of expression and worship, of access to information and political participation – we believe are universal rights.” (BBC)
Obama is just stating the obvious. When did the U.S. ever try to impose a system of government on another nation (that has the military might to stand up to the U.S.)? That is just preposterous.
I say the Chinese should abandon the ways that has put them on the path that is making the world power shift to the East.
In a new surge to build self confidence, women are turning to labiaplasty, a cosmetic procedure which is meant to reduce the size of the labia minora (irony anyone?), in an attempt to make the vagina more attractive (Times Online). Unfortunately, these women are being fleeced of thousands of dollars without knowing the reality of what makes them attractive to men. Here is a short list as part of Sarcasmist’s humanitarian efforts.
To make yourself more attractive, there are many other things that you should concern yourself with before you get to sculpting your vagina.
- Don’t laugh like a hyena (not even when you are alone with your beau)
- Take care of excess hair (if you have to ask whether a particular patch is ‘extra’ then it needs to go)
- Don’t chew gum like you are trying to tenderize a car tire
- Learn how to wear makeup (if flies can’t fly away after landing on your face, you are wearing too much)
- Bathe in water instead of perfume
There are many more tips but we’ll leave it here for now. And, ladies, if you insist on getting a surgery on your privates, consider hymenoplasty; as we all know, it’s what on the inside that counts.
Note: This topic was brought to the Sarcasmist’s attention by a vigilant fan
Researchers in Australia are working on developing a method to re-grow breast tissue following surgery. This process is being developed to help women regain their form and self confidence after going through the heart-wrenching experience of a mastectomy. The procedure is still in such an early stage that the researchers are hesitant to start talking about possible success in human trials (so far they have had successful results in pigs). (BBC)
I’m sure this will not soon be turned into a purely cosmetic procedure to help women grow a third breast or grow mini breasts on top of their God-given mammary glands. Women are always self-confident and refuse to succumb to the superficiality of things such as elective surgery for attaining perkier or larger breasts.
Holy Crap! It’s a good thing CNN was not trying to capitalize on the Fort Hood Shooting, or there would be outrage.
This has got to be one of my favorite headlines of all time. They might as well have expanded the headline to read:
Christian Janitor Died Saving Muslim Students & Muslim Doctor Killed Christian Soldiers
But I guess they wanted to use at least a little bit of subtlety in their slant.
Barely three weeks ago, this quiet place of learning was the scene of a nightmare. On October 20, two suicide bombers launched near simultaneous attacks on both the men’s and women’s side of the campus. (CNN)
Dear CNN,
You may want to report on things as they happen. This story is from October 20th. But I suppose such a headline would not have been as eye-catching before the Fort Hood shooting. Good job!
