Top 10 Sarcastic Family Guy Quotes
Family Guy
10. “Aw, the South! Isn’t that the place where the black guys are lazy, and the white guys are just as lazy, but they’re mad at the black guys for being so lazy.” -Peter Griffin
9. “Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. I’ll give you a hint: it’s in my diaper, and it’s not a toaster.” -Stewie Griffin
8. Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hmm, the end result of a drunken back seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
7. “I bet you lost your virginity to a mechanical bull.” -Stewie Griffin
6. “Wow Peter that’s a book isn’t it? That’s the first time I’ve seen you reading something that didn’t later turn out to be a sandwich.” -Brian Griffin
5. “Hey will you take me down to Baby Gap? I want to dress like a small douche.” -Stewie Griffin
4. Peter: Boy Quagmire, I’m really sorry they fired ya. I feel like this is partially my fault.
Quagmire: No Peter, it’s perfectly normal to siphon jet fuel from an active runway with the intention of flying a pickup truck.
3. Brian: I can’t believe our society values the life of a dog less than a human. It’s infuriating.
Stewie: That is infuriating. Maybe you should go bark at a tree and then chew on your balls for an hour.
2. Lois: Oh, I haven’t been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.
1. Lois: Stewie, look what Mommy made for dessert.
Stewie: Ooh, Jell-O. How exotic! I feel like I’m on the deck of the QE2.
I used to think that Family Guy was the devil until I read these quotes. But then I realized these are probably the only funny ones from that show.
What? You said what? Watch the show, enjoy the wit and favour the sarcasm overload. Devil indeed….
how dare you insult the greatest television show of all time? but then again, u actually need to have read a book in your lifetime to get the jokes on family guy. nevertheless, you sir, are an imbecile. please go poke an electrical outlet with a fork.
OMG the whole show is hilarious…Everything is too PC these days. Good to have a show that pokes a bit of fun :)
I’m with you Richard. I even tried watching it again this weekend because everyone I know loves it so much. I guess I better go read a book so that I can fully understand the depth of A CARTOON.
H O W D A R E Y O U
you douche
What I don’t get is how Seth McFarlane has THREE TV shows. They’re all so random and have a plot that could be shown in two minutes without all the random crap. Public television cartoons interest me more because I can learn math from them.
Sure, Family Guy was fun to watch. I watched at least 7 or 8 seasons of it, and I enjoyed it. In retrospect, it started off well, and then just calmed down and became relatively tame. Peter went from being amusingly retarded to annoyingly retarded, and the other characters (bar Brian and Stewie) lost their jazz as well.
I must say, when it first came out (I was still pretty young) I boycotted family guy because it seemed inappropriate, rude, and dumb.
Having watched a few episodes I realize it is exactly that, but in a smart way, and that is the whole appeal of the show. (Although, the dumb can maybe be switched to smart as there’s someone with a brain mastering these…)
anyways, I’m not going to put the show down, however, I still don’t even watch it that often because I just don’t think it’s worth my time to love on it like a fifteen year old fangirl, which is what most of the fans I come in contact with seem to react like when the show is mentioned, lol. Good every once in a while for a laugh, but I refuse to worship it.
OMG…your name is DICK BANGER? And you’re dis’ing family Guy? This would be WAY too easy. I pity you.
I liked the original series (when it first started). Now, it feels like a bunch of manatees in captivity write the show, and they do it poorly, too.
@ Jessica F and Richard Banger yes a cartoon!!! and yes, you need to have read a book to understand many of the jokes. A history book to be specific. Because a lot of these references that all these references that you call “random” are quite funny if you only understood them. And for that, you need to have some knowledge of historical and present day events, people, government, pop culture, religion, yadayadayada…
LOVE IT!
@Richard Banger
you’re so ignorant that it transcends your opinion(s) ;]]
how’s that for a fact?
They forgot this one:
“That’s very Christian of you. Believe what I say or I’ll eat you.”
i enjoy both family guy AND south park
BECAUSE they poke fun, instead of having a rod up their arses from catholics/politically correct idiots, we all need to lighten the f*** up.
Hey, Zippy, don’t be quite so fast to comment next time; I’m catholic and I enjoy both of these shows (except for the least tasteful which never had to do with religion for me, personally) so don’t simply associate ppl with rods up their arses to the first religion that comes to mind (mostly influenced by said shows,)
there’s a difference between the catholics that get offended and don’t, and sorry to be non-sarcastic here, but, it gets a little tiring to be used as an example when you are not one. thanks.
(warning: sense of irony required)
Yeah man, how dare you single out every single individual Catholic instead of making a general statement based on a stereotype? It’s not like the Catholic Church puts out a newsletter condemning entertainment that it considers inappropiate for Catholics. Shame on you. If your not careful, the Flying Spaghetti Monster won’t touch you with his blessed pasta tentacle…..
A cartoon is artwork. It’s another way
of expressing ones self and a change up from the norm of film. Don’t be ignorant and judge something as though it is of lesser value
I do enjoy cartoons, just not Family Guy, American Dad, or The Cleveland Show. South Park is one of my favorites. I just really don’t want to watch a show that seems mass produced and isn’t funny often enough.
Yes, South Park. The epitome of educational forethought and spiritual insight. It’s good to see you’re in the upper echelon of intelligent beings on this planet while the lowly Family Guy viewers resort to “random” hilarity for their entertainment. Oh woe is humanity.
Unfortunately there are even worse shows on television. Like those stupid Kardashian women. Pop culture is a mess.
We must be speaking a different language. Certainly it’s due to the fact that you are simply of a different quality of being than I am; one of higher stature, of more complex emotion and understanding. Critics around the world should be jealous, sir.
You hawky moron; what makes you think that a bunch of random vocabularies make you come off as any wiser than you are? Work on making sense for starters then maybe later you can throw in the “complex emotion” sentiments. Retarded punk.
Yeah Hawky, blow your ego out your ass. It’ll help you in the long run as you’ll be able to run faster.
What a shame, Winterhawk was being sar-cas-tic. How inappropiate for this website. And”blow your ego out your ass”…how intelligent, witty and insightful. “…it’ll make you run faster” how funny! you should probably write for Family Guy and maybe you can raise the level of humor to that of South Park
Richard Banger, your name is dick? dick banger? lol
Yes, yes it is. The Banger family is very esteemed. My dad was a welder that blew himself up while welding a full gas tank and my mother was a seamstress that blew herself up with a sewing machine somehow. I sell blenders.
Dick Banger who blows. Check.
Come on now, I’ve got a dick piercing, that’s gotta say something good.
No my son, the gas tank did explode, that was no lie, but by the grace of God I had on the Iron Man suit, and I survived. I am sorry that people are hard on you for such a awkward last name. I am in the E.R. right now being treated for massive burn wounds to the dick. Hope to see you someday soon.
Love,
Dad
DAD! OH SHI-… What an odd place to meet. Let’s leave these morons and go get coffee.
You’re doing great at this game, keep it up.
I’m so glad for you both! I hope no squirrels were harmed in the “accident” (giggle)