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Top 10 Sarcastic Quotes of All Time

Written by The Sarcasmist on March 29, 2010 - Comments (21)

10. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” –Ashleigh Brilliant

9. “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” –Stephen Bishop

8. “I don’t know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn’t.” –Jules Renard

7. “I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.” –John Cleese

6. “Personal experience makes a believer out of anyone; that explains the hordes of evolution deniers.” –Sarcasm Society

5. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” –Mark Twain

4. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” –Oscar Wilde

3. “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” –Mark Twain

2. “A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.” –Groucho Marx

1. “If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?” –Charles Pierce

Please feel free to let me know how this list is terrible because it doesn’t include your favorite quote. I’ll be sure to revise the list forthwith.


  1. I believe “You remind me of when I was young and stupid” should be here, too.


    “It’s ok if you disagree with me, I can’t force you to be right”

  2. It really is missing a truly great sarcastic quote. Interrogated and intimidated by the gestapo, Sigmund Freud was nevertheless coerced to sign a document stating that he had been well treated. Signing it, he added a note underneath, “I would reccomend the gestapo to anyone.” Surely the height of sarcasm.

  3. “I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.”

  4. “I have great faith in fools; Self-confidence my friends call it.” -Edgar Allen Poe

  5. I love number 4, it’s too funny! :)

  6. One of my favorites:

    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ~Albert Einstein

  7. I like this bit of sarcasm: ” It is often better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

  8. “Thank you for your understanding, sir.”

    “Think nothing of it. it’s undrestanding that allows a person like me to tolarate a person like yourself.” Ferris Bueller

  9. this one was missing

    “i suggest you to wear a trash can on your head to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge”

  10. I believe it was Frank Hubert who said this one: “Money is to Monopoly money as ethics is to business ethics.”

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