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Top 10 Sarcastic Quotes of All Time

Written by The Sarcasmist on March 29, 2010 - Comments (16)

10. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” –Ashleigh Brilliant

9. “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” –Stephen Bishop

8. “I don’t know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn’t.” –Jules Renard

7. “I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.” –John Cleese

6. “Personal experience makes a believer out of anyone; that explains the hordes of evolution deniers.” –Sarcasm Society

5. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.” –Mark Twain

4. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” –Oscar Wilde

3. “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” –Mark Twain

2. “A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.” –Groucho Marx

1. “If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?” –Charles Pierce

Please feel free to let me know how this list is terrible because it doesn’t include your favorite quote. I’ll be sure to revise the list forthwith.


  1. Customs Control

    I am embarassed to admit I had to read number 6 twice – it took me that long to fall madly in love with TS.
    Pure Gold!

  2. Your visit has climaxed an already dull day.

  3. If you were worth my time, I would finish this se

  4. And, after all, it is so important that this list is correct.

    We must all lead such interesting lives!

    I am guessing the greatest sarcastic quote in English of all time will emerge on the Internet, ABOUT the Internet.

    I’ll have lots of time to watch for it, as I work as a professor of business ethics.

  5. internet? …ok

    “if they took all the porn off the internet there would be only one website called bring back the porn”

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