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New Fossil Discovery Changes Everything!

armenia

Our fastest held beliefs and greatest scientific laws and theories have come undone by the discovery of God’s fossilized remains in the highlands of Armenia, in the vicinity of Mt Ararat. The discovery was made by an international team of archeologists of varying religious backgrounds (including several atheists).

“The importance of this discovery is entrenched in the fact that it proves everyone wrong, believers and atheists alike. The believers and creationists are of course vindicated by finally having hard scientific proof of God’s existence, thus disproving the atheists; and the evolutionists and atheists can finally and definitively claim that there is in fact no God…anymore,” said, lead archeologist in charge of the dig, Dr. Noah Layman

Despite the infinite importance of this discovery, there is a problem that is sure to create an unprecedented amount of controversy. And that is the fact that scientists have not been able to reliably date the fossil. The current methods of dating fossils has proven inadequate, but it is believed that the fossil is at least 4.5 billion years old (as old as the Earth itself).

Also, despite immense pressure from numerous major religious sects, the scientific paper published regarding this discovery also states that there are strong indications that God was a woman.

Note: Unfortunately, this still does not solve the problem of creationism versus evolutionist theory because there is no way to prove whether life sprang into existence before or after the death of God.

29 Comments to New Fossil Discovery Changes Everything!

  1. Linet on The Sarcasmist Linet
    October 27, 2009 at 4:26 pm |

    i TRIED to tell ppl i really did.

  2. Yverne on The Sarcasmist Yverne
    October 27, 2009 at 4:28 pm |

    I’ve always knew it was a she xD

  3. Meli on The Sarcasmist Meli
    October 27, 2009 at 4:33 pm |

    May she rest in pie… er, peace. :D

  4. TearEmUp on The Sarcasmist TearEmUp
    October 27, 2009 at 4:51 pm |

    God was a woman?? Well, that explains the platypus…a warm blooded mammal with webbed feet that lays eggs indeed…..

  5. lynn2dove on The Sarcasmist lynn2dove
    October 27, 2009 at 4:58 pm |

    Nobody said the universe was perfect.

  6. Andrew on The Sarcasmist Andrew
    October 27, 2009 at 5:15 pm |

    No wonder you can hardly find anything on this ‘news’. The discovery was found in 1992.
    And is said to be 4.4 million years old, not billion.

    • kudos on The Sarcasmist kudos
      October 27, 2009 at 6:31 pm |

      +1 for f**ken saved

    • laura on The Sarcasmist laura
      October 27, 2009 at 6:46 pm |

      where did you find that info?

    • darkmoonman on The Sarcasmist darkmoonman
      October 27, 2009 at 9:13 pm |

      Sorry, but it is 4.5 BILLION.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_the_Earth

    • Han on The Sarcasmist Han
      October 28, 2009 at 1:28 pm |

      Darkmoonman.. did you really just reference wikipedia? Really??
      Even if your information is correct you just lost the argument.

      I find it rather hilarious that everyone is taking this seriously??? Its sarcasmsociety.com…

    • Tom on The Sarcasmist Tom
      October 28, 2009 at 3:47 pm |

      Darkmoonman, do you not understand English? Andrew was saying that the fossil was 4.4 million years old, not the Earth. He did not even mention the Earth in his comment. You should not jump on people without double-checking what they are saying.

  7. Ali on The Sarcasmist Ali
    October 27, 2009 at 5:15 pm |

    Actually, evolution explains the Platypus (transition between reptiles and mammals).

  8. WK Jacobs on The Sarcasmist WK Jacobs
    October 27, 2009 at 5:27 pm |

    And all this time I thought he had fled to Argentina.

  9. highimhi on The Sarcasmist highimhi
    October 27, 2009 at 5:29 pm |

    I always thought god was a dinosaur.

  10. Sam Glancy on The Sarcasmist Sam Glancy
    October 27, 2009 at 6:25 pm |