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Lawyer distracted by opposing counsel’s secret weapon

Written by The Sarcasmist on June 1, 2011 - Comments (6)

Generic cleavage shot (not the paralegals)

During a recent trial, the defense lawyer filed a motion objecting to the “large breasted woman”, sitting at the opposing counsel’s table, who was distracting him from the matter at hand. As is the norm, when it comes to large breasted women, Mr. Gooch (from the law firm Gauthier & Gooch) also questioned the woman’s qualifications, accusing Dmitry Feofanov (the opposing counsel) of using her to distract the jury.

Gooch tried to clarify his position when he talked to the Chicago Sun-Times:

“Personally, I like large breasts,” Gooch said. “However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table — when there’s already two lawyers there — dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself.”

It turned out that the woman Gooch had been ogling is Feofanov’s paralegal, and wife.

Of all the dirty tricks lawyers would use, this is certainly the most disturbing yet. But I wonder if during jury selection he tried to get mostly men and lesbians on the panel, because he’d have a tougher time convincing the judge that it is necessary and appropriate to have a chocolate fountain and a tray of jewelry at his table.

There is a comprehensive article on a blog about the incident.


  1. nature…

  2. I like chocolate fountains…

  3. Obviously, the defense lawyer’s a perverted moron. Instead of being discreet about it, he had to tell everyone what he was thinking. Says a lot about his incompetence.

  4. Is the paralegal better endowed than the model in the generic picture? If not why the fuss?

  5. @Mel. You sound just like my ex-wife… A self important, male depricating, sorry excuse for nothing who likes to use big words that make herself seem important when in reality she’s just making herself look a#$. Oh crap… Maybe you are my ex wife.

    And what’s the matter with a male lawyer clearing away any potential distraction? A bit of cleavage today, a lot of cleavage tomorrow, a whole lot of leg under a micro mini the next day? Hey, I seriously appreciate the female form in all the ways it is meant to be… but there’s time and place for everything. The courtroom is NOT one of those places.

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