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Look Ma, I Knows Grammar!

misspelledI have been put to shame countless times by the Internet grammarians who are ever so vigilant in their efforts to put an end to sloppy spellcheckers and grammar ignoramuses run amuck.

I wanted to take time to apologize for my irreverence towards these kind souls who roam the Internet selflessly correcting all of us who dare to misspell something on a blog or a comment we post on social networking site. I bow to their intellectual enormity and their willingness to stamp out misspellings and grammar mistakes wherever they may occur.

My new-found respect for these faceless heroes may be ridiculed by some, but I know in my heart that they mean well and are not simply looking for attention. And I know that their confrontational ways are only fueled by good will and not self-loathing and the desire to feel good for something.

So I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart. Please continue to ignore the big picture and linger on minutia. And don’t feel bad if you spell something incorrectly while pointing out someone else’s spelling errors; I am sure another of your ilk will swoop down from the shadows and correct your misstep.

58 Comments to Look Ma, I Knows Grammar!

  1. INvadER on The Sarcasmist INvadER
    October 28, 2009 at 5:17 pm |

    Lawlz. This is prefect.
    Yes, that’s on purpose.

    • Grammatarian on The Sarcasmist Grammatarian
      October 28, 2009 at 5:23 pm |

      *perfect

  2. October 28, 2009 at 5:21 pm |

    B-E-A-utiful!
    That is just perfect :)

  3. Craig on The Sarcasmist Craig
    October 28, 2009 at 5:22 pm |

    It’s “minutiae.”

    Sorry (snicker).

    • Dave on The Sarcasmist Dave
      October 28, 2009 at 8:38 pm |

      Hahahahahahaha, much love to my fellow grammar nazis.

  4. lucks on The Sarcasmist lucks
    October 28, 2009 at 5:23 pm |

    isn’t that spelled ‘minutiae’34UL

  5. Billy on The Sarcasmist Billy
    October 28, 2009 at 5:27 pm |

    Nice! Not to be a stick in the mud on this subject, but I think what bugs us “older folk” about grammar/spelling errors, are that they are turning up much worse nowadays than, say, 10, or even 5, years ago. Having to grade essays where the student writes something like “We went 2 the store and u dropped a bottle of milk” or “Their gradz is messed up wut kind of dumass carez about **** like diz. There stupid.” Seriously, the line needs to be drawn: In school/At work NO, out of school/to your friends, Go Ahead.

    • christine on The Sarcasmist christine
      October 28, 2009 at 6:16 pm |

      I don’t think I qualify to be in the “older folk” category… but I’m right there with you on drawing a line! What really bugs me about the continuous poor spelling is that it is allowed when people are trying to make a serious point. If it’s a blog, it’s a blog. Writing about your day to day life isn’t always that interesting. When you’re trying to make a point and be taken seriously, however, misspelling words isn’t exactly the way to go! I cannot help but question the credibility of the person presenting the argument when they have trouble with their language. If they don’t know simple grammatical rules in their native tongue, why should I think they know anymore about politics? Even worse is when they use “your” instead of “you’re” or confuse “there”, “their”, and “they’re”.

    • October 29, 2009 at 1:50 am |

      What’s worse is when, seamingly educated people, pronounce the “T” in the word often and add an “S” to anyway. Especially when it is a public figure, newscaster, etc. That’s when I truly get urked.

    • Karen on The Sarcasmist Karen
      October 29, 2009 at 5:02 am |

      @Cheryl: The pronunciation of the “T” in the word “often” is not a mistake. Information on this occurrence is extensive and not easy to analyse.

    • Cabbage on The Sarcasmist Cabbage
      October 29, 2009 at 10:38 am |

      Aaaahahahaha! Don’t get too “urked” now!
      Irked*

      It’s not faaaair! Ottoman and Automan sound exactly the same! Waaaaah!

    • Casting Nasturtiums on The Sarcasmist Casting Nasturtiums
      October 30, 2009 at 7:10 am |

      So… do you mean that errors are “more frequent” or are the errors themselves “getting worse”, when you say “turning up worse”?

  6. October 28, 2009 at 5:30 pm |

    You’re putting out a presentation of yourself. If you want to put out a presentation that shows you can’t take the time to spell out a three letter word, then I’m not going to feel bad saying that you’re probably bad at the little things that matter. Like grammar, spelling and foreplay.

  7. MisterSmith on The Sarcasmist MisterSmith
    October 28, 2009 at 5:38 pm |

    Doesn’t fueled have a double L?

    Discuss.

  8. LaBlonde on The Sarcasmist LaBlonde
    October 28, 2009 at 5:49 pm |

    Also the first sentence doesn’t make grammatical sense. It should be “I have been put to shame countless times by the Internet grammarians who are ever so vigilant in their efforts to put an end to sloppy spellcheckers and grammar ignoramuses *who* run amuck.” Just thought I would add my two cents. :D

    • Dave on The Sarcasmist Dave
      October 28, 2009 at 8:36 pm |

      It does make grammatical sense, although I had to read it twice to make sure.

  9. vei on The Sarcasmist vei
    October 28, 2009 at 6:01 pm |

    grammar nazis have been around since the internet became public. I used to be one, until i was horded by abbreviated speech in text format and gave up. If you can understand it, theres no reason to correct it. i dont think anyway. Hell, theres really no reason for people to be hounding one another over grammatical errors – theres far more important things to worry about.

    • w/e on The Sarcasmist w/e
      October 28, 2009 at 6:15 pm |

      Capital “I” after a full stop. Hee Hee.

    • tocorum on The Sarcasmist tocorum
      October 28, 2009 at 7:29 pm |

      “ther’re” – don’t use a singular verb form with a plural predicate :p

    • October 28, 2009 at 8:18 pm |

      there’s*

    • lisa_mks on The Sarcasmist lisa_mks
      October 28, 2009 at 8:38 pm |

      actually w/e I must always be a capital, not just after a full stop ;]

  10. October 28, 2009 at 6:08 pm |

    Wait… I think the whole point of this is to BE SARCASTIC.

    Just saying, you guys take this WAY too seriously. And to address what Billy said…
    Any kid who writes that in their essays deserve an F. That is unacceptable, and they should learn to write in English correctly. If they really think someone’s going to hire them filling out an application like that, then they need a wake-up call NOW.

    • Eric on The Sarcasmist Eric
      October 28, 2009 at 7:57 pm |

      They are being sarcastic.

    • Ryan2 on The Sarcasmist Ryan2
      October 29, 2009 at 8:24 am |

      No way! Sarcasm here?

  11. Linet on The Sarcasmist Linet
    October 28, 2009 at 6:16 pm |

    As a recent graduate with a BA in English I say carry on ignoramuses and hold high the torch of illiteracy! After all, why would I feign concern over improprieties in spelling and grammar when the content of many of your posts represents idiocy at unprecedented levels. Death to the grammar hounds! oh and btw, twelvth post! yaaaaaaaa

    • October 29, 2009 at 9:21 am |

      I likes you, Linet

    • Linet on The Sarcasmist Linet
      October 29, 2009 at 4:07 pm |

      janna (“awe”) Jana -_- lol

  12. Sara on The Sarcasmist Sara
    October 28, 2009 at 6:25 pm |

    I hate those errors and my son drives me crazy on Facebook when he spells thing stupidly like gewd instead of good, but when he writes in school he NEVER writes 2 or gewd, or using a z instead of an s. He writes the way he was taught in school. We used to shorten words in notes that we passed in class when I was in school and we were still able to write essays without using them. Children will be as lazy as you let them be. My son is only allowed to write in English when he writes to his grandparents and other adults.

  13. Xan on The Sarcasmist Xan
    October 28, 2009 at 6:26 pm |

    Language, especially written language, is a living and evolving entity. A quick read through “The Canterbury Tales” by Chaucer will do well to put this totality in perspective. People need to have a bit of critical thought and just plain STFU.

    English is a patchwork quilt of many different languages, as is most other lexicons, developed primarily through colloquial syntax (or the lack thereof).

    Colleges and universities regard Computer Language as foreign language. If the syntax of the interwebs [sic] can be regarded as a language, then it seems only fitting that, that syntax can and should be meshed with other languages. lol, anyone? And please, explain to me what a “ROFLCOPTER” is all about. Bring it!

    • Dave on The Sarcasmist Dave
      October 28, 2009 at 8:48 pm |

      The COPTER part in ROFLCOPTER is just another internet phenomena that seems to have attatched itself to the word ROFL. ROFL, of course, standing for ‘rolling on the floor laughing’. There used to be a t in rofl, but it was later removed so that nerds who use these words in real life could say it easier. Hence, my roflcopter goes soisoisoisoisoi.

  14. Rocky on The Sarcasmist Rocky
    October 28, 2009 at 6:48 pm |

    How surprised was I to discover that there is another way to spell “amok”…. I had to search to discover that my favorite wildman word was so Anglicised as to be “amuck”, which, to be quite honest, has no business meaning anything but to be up to your arse in mud….
    (sigh)
    Somehow, the Malay term “amok” fills the bill so perfectly… why change it?

  15. Jenny on The Sarcasmist Jenny
    October 28, 2009 at 7:07 pm |

    My appreciation to the author of this article with your ability to convince the following commentators that you were completely serious. :) Good job with the sarcasm. I confess I’m a reckless corrector, but only as an OCD symptom. As a binge reader, it drives my poor OCD wired brain crazy to see words misspelled. Even if the writer did it purposefully. No offense. :)

    • Xan on The Sarcasmist Xan
      October 28, 2009 at 7:13 pm |

      Then this should drive you crazy, Jenny: You missed two hyphens that should have been placed within a single one of your sentences. Can you find them? HUNT THEM DOWN AND ANNIHILATE THEM! The idiotic thing about hyphens is that they are nearly as necessary as commas, but rarely get the respect that they deserve. :’(

      KEEP SEARCHING FOR WHERE YOUR HYPHENS BELONG! TWO!!!!

    • tocorum on The Sarcasmist tocorum
      October 28, 2009 at 7:36 pm |

      oh good, i’m not the only ocd sufferer around here! and i found the missed hyphens too! tee-hee! (yes, for those who wonder, my lack of capitalization is an intentional one, reserved strictly for text messages, internet comments, and e-mails to personal contacts – never done in business use or educational settings.) :p

    • Eric on The Sarcasmist Eric
      October 28, 2009 at 8:03 pm |

      I have a friend who once tried to put all the thought from a sentence into one “word” using the hyphen. Took him forever to figure it out without seriously breaking any rules. I don’t even remember what it said…

    • Dave on The Sarcasmist Dave
      October 29, 2009 at 12:15 am |

      I doubt that any grammar nazi did not find the inherent sarcasm in this post. It is just that the author did not realise how right he was, we ARE a hate-filled machine, here to rid the internet of ignorami who cannot spell correctly. We are legion.

  16. Jonathan on The Sarcasmist Jonathan
    October 28, 2009 at 8:18 pm |

    RAWFL!

    but yes. professionally essays should be correct and teachers should teach in such a way to be professional. Other than that, go crazy.

  17. October 28, 2009 at 8:37 pm |

    This is extraordinarily humorous, especially as you made so many mistakes even in this posting.

    As to the reason I bothered commenting: Not everyone who corrects the grammar of others does it for attention. I, for one, correct grammar and spelling errors because I am a sarcastic, evil bitch. It gives me great pleasure to irritate others.

    *Insert idiotic smiley here*

  18. Jacob on The Sarcasmist Jacob
    October 28, 2009 at 9:11 pm |

    My problem with poor grammar is that once people practice writing poorly in their text messages, E-mails, etc. they start to write poorly everywhere else. I correct my friends and family, but I always seem to get the same response: “Oh, leave me alone. This is a [blog/text/status update]. I’ll use correct grammar when it actually matters.”, but rarely ever do. The way they write becomes habitual and literally horrendous. Essays, resumes, reports – official documents which contain misspelled words and grammatical errors are completely unacceptable, and, quite frankly, laughable. As self righteous as this sounds, I correct grammar whenever I see or hear it, because I’m trying to save the people from themselves. It’s extremely satisfying to me when I’m sitting with a group of friends and they’re correcting each others’ grammar and know that I was the one who taught them. Perhaps, I’m just a Nazi after all!

  19. October 28, 2009 at 9:42 pm |

    Since it is in my job description to know how to spell, I tend to notice misspellings more often than most people I know; however, I rarely correct people unless I am comfortable enough with the person to know it wouldn’t bother him/her being corrected. Some people take offense to it and that is understandable. I would personally appreciate someone pointing out my own misspellings just so I know for future reference. On the other hand, people whose only intent when reading is to find fault in words are just boring and should really spend more time focusing on things that really matter. And there is a way to correct to someone without being a sarcastic wench. No one is a perfect typist or a walking spell-checker; however, Word does have it so I suggest many should try it! I think poor spelling and grammar are two of my biggest pet peeves of all time but we all have our downfalls!

  20. TSGarp on The Sarcasmist TSGarp
    October 28, 2009 at 10:07 pm |

    Xan is the only one here who makes any sense.

  21. October 29, 2009 at 12:32 am |

    I have to admit… I am spelling and grammar correcter… sorry… But, to be fair, it is in my job description. I work as an ALT in Japan, so I am constantly correcting spelling and grammar… I really think that it’s important to speak and write in proper English, when the situation calls for it. It takes a really long time to type everything out on the phone in a text… When I type my blog, I go so fast that I double type sometimes or misspell a lot… But that’s what my English teacher family (yes half of them teach English) are there for… to correct me… If I’m going to write something or give a serious presentation, I use my friends and family and say “CHECK PLEASE!!!” That’s all I’m sayin’.

  22. October 29, 2009 at 2:13 am |

    Spell how you like, but if you want to be taken seriously, I wouldnt spell “good” as “gewd”. You look like a 12 years old posting, maybe you are.

    I tend to skip post that r pstd lik diz coz I cnt b bothrd reedin thm.

    It is annoying, but then again you dont have to read it, but if you happen to decipher an insult, I cant help but tell the person how stupid they look by posting like that.

    Grammer and spelling errors are human nature, but writing on purpose “lik diz” is a reflection on your maturity..IMO obviously.

  23. October 29, 2009 at 2:16 am |

    But still grammer nazis are just pathetic, if they gonna crit your spelling and grammer of one or two words on a blatently strong argument.

  24. October 29, 2009 at 6:51 am |

    It is truly amazing how GOD makes some of us stronger in some areas than others. Grammar Nazi’s are definitely a need for those who have less passion for the English Language … it is their manners and their approach that they truly need to work on. Life is so very short and precious to be worrying about the grammatical correctness. I am sure on Judgment day GOD isn’t going to beat me down for my misspellings, and grammatical errors that I might have left behind. So, a word to the Grammar Nazi’s “make an impression that will last without wounded grammatically challenged”.

  25. Aly on The Sarcasmist Aly
    October 29, 2009 at 11:24 am |

    ROFL – It’s “grammar”, not “grammer”.

    iwantsometoo – There is no apostrophe in the plural of Nazi. It’s “Nazis”, not “Nazi’s”.

    Typos are one thing. Adults who haven’t mastered even the most basic concepts of the English language are quite another. That’s just laziness.

    And, by the way, I don’t know what YOUR God is going to say to me on the alleged “Judgement Day”, but I’m pretty sure I’m getting a high five from mine.

    • Rick on The Sarcasmist Rick
      October 29, 2009 at 1:10 pm |

      Well done. While we are at it, let us instruct the ignorant masses even further: Teach them the proper usage of the ellipsis. I am quite weary of seeing “…………so bord…………cant w8 til aftr skol……………..”.

    • October 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm |

      Is this according to the book of “Aly”?
      Sorry, I must have missed that chapter.

    • Anon Ymous on The Sarcasmist Anon Ymous
      October 29, 2009 at 2:45 pm |

      “Judgment” Day, is how the Bible spells it. You were sort of asking for it, Aly. :’p

    • October 29, 2009 at 11:16 pm |

      Aly, you self -righteous “grammer” nazi!! ROFL. We already wasting time, or perhaps not, posting, who has the time to go check spelling and grammer to please the nazis out there.

      If only browsers had spell check, we wouldn’t have internet wars on spelling.

      Besides I think mispelling a word here or there, again, is human nature, or laziness, true, but “riting lik a rejekt” is entirely up to the person posting.

      And I’m pretty sure, I may be wrong here admited, the apostophe in “nazi’s” would only be used in the possesive. i.e The nazi’s gun.
      Correct me if I’m wrong.

    • pranav88 on The Sarcasmist pranav88
      October 31, 2009 at 5:46 am |

      ROFL- Okay.. here goes…
      The nazi’s gun….. Nazi should have a Capital N (Wren n Martin-Basic English Grammar- NOUNS)… :P
      Some other boo-boos you made- Misspelling, admitted, apostrophe, possessive….

      @jacob
      Yup.. That’s true.. I still remember writing my end-term examination in SLANG…. LOL… :D