Sarcasm ahead!

The Sarcasmist

May God Save the Insurance Companies!

As we all know, the liberals have been secretly plotting to destroy the health insurance companies in the United States. No one ever spoke about it, but we all knew it. But times have changed. A new wave of brave conservative heroes has risen up against the Obama juggernaut, which is bent on destroying the health insurance industry by introducing a public option (managed by the socialist government that we’ll soon have to bow our heads to). These heroes deserve our support! Let us rise up with them!

Leave your sick family members behind. Forget the crushing debt you have from your emergency hospital visit. Cast aside the sorrow of losing a child to health insurance bureaucracy. Be Americans! Fight against the tyranny of Obama’s health care scheme.

Where is Joe ‘The Plumber’ when you need him?

73 Comments to May God Save the Insurance Companies!

  1. aj on The Sarcasmist aj
    September 29, 2009 at 2:01 pm |

    waiting lists, gov’t control, no personal choice in insurance.

    waiting lists as in you will have to wait for rationed care because believe it or not, taxes cannot support this entire system.

    gov’t control and no personal choice being that if you or grandma are deemed not worth it financially, the new assisted suicide programs will take care of you.

    stfu

    • Tyler on The Sarcasmist Tyler
      September 29, 2009 at 2:17 pm |

      haha what the hell do you know about anything? sounds like somebody listens to sarah palin…

      I love it when people act like they know something when they really just regurgitate what they hear on tv.

    • Deb on The Sarcasmist Deb
      September 29, 2009 at 2:34 pm |

      I have already waited for care because all the really good doctors already have waiting lists. They are limited by the insurance companies as to what to charge. Great doctors don’t make much more that OK doctors. Insurance companies decide which drugs you get and which surgeries and who gets what when. My 4 year old waited 4 months to see a neurologist because we didn’t want one who had made c’s in med school. There are already waiting lists and rich people who pay cash instead of using insurance at all get first pick of everything. That will always be true. So go succeed at something!!

    • the informed on The Sarcasmist the informed
      September 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm |

      I love people who obviously havn’t read the actual bill seeing as there is no assisted suicide plan. It seems AJ your just another mindless drone who swollows everything fox news pulls out of it’s ass. second you can keep your ridiculous private insurance its an public option. I bet everyone of your asses will be on miedicare when your retire…funny how that works.

    • Daizy on The Sarcasmist Daizy
      September 29, 2009 at 2:55 pm |

      I am an American living in France..and I have never waited on any list to see a physician. NO government official tells me what doctor I can and cannot see. Aj you are as anti-american as the lobbiest! Go pick up a book, travel the world, and educate yourself! Yes European’s pay a lot of taxes to help out those who need it, but guess what..American’s pay more..only to be told “your insurance turned down your life saving surgery, because of a pre-existing condition”

      No pre-existing condition ever stopped me from being seen in a French hospital…ever. period.

      check your facts

    • lundah on The Sarcasmist lundah
      September 29, 2009 at 3:30 pm |

      aj,
      You obviously don’t understand the definition of the word “option”.

    • God Hates HMOs on The Sarcasmist God Hates HMOs
      September 29, 2009 at 3:40 pm |

      Amen AJ! You tell these Moonbats!
      Budget Committee Repubs made great points today – This new “ObamaCare” will stuff our doctor’s waiting rooms full of people who otherwise would end up at Emergency Rooms raising my rates or just plain dead… The more people get insured, the worse it gets for us!! Forget it!
      I loved it when they stuck it to the Dems on that Schumer Bill by pointing out ObamaCare would cost $400 dollars to small businesses instead of the $10k-$14k a year that Insurance companies cost them, forcing Government right up our noses and saving small businesses billions a year, forcing those honest, hard working, monopoly insurers out of high profit margins! No thank you!
      I sure miss the RIGHT government… I’ll sure forgive them sleeping with each other’s wives and playing grabass with page boys if they’re at least deregulating my markets! What the hell is this “governance” thing these lefty commie pinko d-bags are trying??

    • Amy on The Sarcasmist Amy
      September 29, 2009 at 4:04 pm |

      Great answer regarding national health care.

    • subtlefuge on The Sarcasmist subtlefuge
      September 29, 2009 at 4:21 pm |

      Oh, I see. In the spirit of this website, you’re being sarcastic, right aj?

    • Vir Sapiens on The Sarcasmist Vir Sapiens
      September 29, 2009 at 4:33 pm |

      That’s right, because government healthcare sucks in England. I mean look at poor Dr. Hawking. A brilliant mind cut short because of government healthcare in England…oh yeah that’s right he’s still alive. Well what about all the other EU countries with government healthcare I mean we hear about how all those people are dieing all the time right…..oh yeah that’s right we only hear about England and Canada because we wouldn’t want to acknowledge that that sort of system actually works. Get a clue, do some research that doesn’t involve parroting whatever you heard on Fox News and then come back and right an intelligent comment.

    • Vir Sapiens on The Sarcasmist Vir Sapiens
      September 29, 2009 at 4:37 pm |

      write an intelligent comment. If you’re going to blast someone’s lack of intellect I suppose it helps to spell your bile correctly.

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 2:47 pm |

      look at canada, the wait times arent bad, and not all hospitals even have wait time of more than a few minutes. you end up with better care because they dont worry about the cost of getting a scan by this machine, or seeing that specialist.

    • Alex on The Sarcasmist Alex
      October 1, 2009 at 5:54 pm |

      I’m from canada.. I don’t see what the big deal is free health care is awesome i got into a quad crash that broke my jaw in four places and cracked my kneecap and it cost nothing to fix

  2. VenomX on The Sarcasmist VenomX
    September 29, 2009 at 2:01 pm |

    Awesome xD

  3. js on The Sarcasmist js
    September 29, 2009 at 2:05 pm |

    betcha 5 dolla it’ll work :P

  4. Aron on The Sarcasmist Aron
    September 29, 2009 at 2:09 pm |

    @ aj
    It’s an OPTION, not required. Every American could still keep their current health care. So you, please, STFU.

  5. Sparky on The Sarcasmist Sparky
    September 29, 2009 at 2:15 pm |

    “no personal choice in insurance.”

    Just when I think you can’t say anything more retarded you say;

    “gov’t control and no personal choice being that if you or grandma are deemed not worth it financially, the new assisted suicide programs will take care of you”

    You are a complete and utter MORON.

    I’m with Aron, please STFU

  6. MiLo on The Sarcasmist MiLo
    September 29, 2009 at 2:16 pm |

    again @ aj – even here in Sarcasmland, the ignorance that spews from mouths/fingertips confounds me – no wonder things have gotten to be this f*ed up.

  7. Keri on The Sarcasmist Keri
    September 29, 2009 at 2:18 pm |

    @aj – health care is already rationed, based on ability to pay. there is a clue out there, go out there and find it!

  8. Carrie on The Sarcasmist Carrie
    September 29, 2009 at 2:18 pm |

    Being forced to switch to a different HMO by you/your spouses employer, losing your trusted doctor which you have years of rapport with simply because said doctor is a part of a different system IS NOT CHOICE.

    I’d rather have the government covering every doctor and I can then CHOOSE who I go to, rather that my employer choosing who I can and cannot see!

    Maybe government run health care isn’t the answer (which I don’t believe, but I’d be willing to listen to alternatives) . But health care chosen by your employer is FAR WORSE . It’s not just a matter of what insurance company they choose for you, but whether or not you have it at all! Employers hold ALL the cards here. Government run healthcare gives people options, rather than making them health care slaves that can be fired or downsized at a moment’s notice.

  9. BR on The Sarcasmist BR
    September 29, 2009 at 2:20 pm |

    Aron, You would have to an idiot if you really think that our current employers are going to continue to provide us with health insurance, when its cheaper to pay the fine and let the government do it. Sure you have the “option” of keeping your current plan, if you dont mind covering the entire premium on your own. But then the government “option” would be cheaper still. So I guess you are correct, you have the “option” of being forced into the government plan, or paying a fine yourself. Which would you choose?

  10. ES on The Sarcasmist ES
    September 29, 2009 at 2:22 pm |

    @everyone but aj

    lol maybe you guys should look at what socialized healthcare is like in the countries that have them… not just what you want to see

    • subtlefuge on The Sarcasmist subtlefuge
      September 29, 2009 at 4:26 pm |

      Perhaps you should hold off on joining this debate until you learn the difference between “socialized healthcare” and “single-payer health insurance.”

  11. Plenoptic on The Sarcasmist Plenoptic
    September 29, 2009 at 2:23 pm |

    Walmart actually supports the public option because this will get them off the healthcare hook and they can just tell there employees to get in line for some government cheese which is what every corporation will do which means we will only be left with the public option, a state run monopoly. So much for choice and competition.

    • subtlefuge on The Sarcasmist subtlefuge
      September 29, 2009 at 4:30 pm |

      And if it’s as terrible as you claim it would be, people would line up around the block to purchase private insurance to augment or replace their government insurance. Which is completely contrary to the point you’re trying to make.

  12. Calix on The Sarcasmist Calix
    September 29, 2009 at 2:26 pm |

    Problem is, if you could have health insurance through your work but choose to not have health insurance instead which I am doing, you will be forced to take your work insurance. Thats not a choice.

  13. Jay-Jay on The Sarcasmist Jay-Jay
    September 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm |

    Guys, guys! I’m sure aj didn’t mean to write what he wrote, and what he wrote didn’t mean to mean what it meant. Give ‘em a break; these people are, after all, today’s conservatives (so, I guess, it’s not his fault)!

  14. jumpingbum on The Sarcasmist jumpingbum
    September 29, 2009 at 2:33 pm |

    I don’t think people GET that this is a sarcasm website, they’re actually taking it seriously…. lol

  15. Axel on The Sarcasmist Axel
    September 29, 2009 at 2:38 pm |

    @ES/aj

    I live in Sweden, a “socialist” country, in that we have a public health care. One of the largest debate forums in Sweden had to expain that many people actually thought that these “assisted suicide programs” would be a part of the plan, the idea seemed so far-fetched that everyone thought people were just being sarcastic – turns out, they were not!

    America is the only country without a public option in the developed world. You seriously believe that you have found something that the rest of the developed world has not?

    • aj on The Sarcasmist aj
      September 29, 2009 at 2:49 pm |

      axel, we’re in the middle of an economic depression and your gdp is still a fraction of ours.

      i think we’ll be okay without socialized healthcare.

    • subtlefuge on The Sarcasmist subtlefuge
      September 29, 2009 at 4:33 pm |

      @ aj: Can you guess what else is “a fraction of ours”? I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “Schmilitary Schmudget.” Maybe that has something to do with our economic depression? Nah, of course not…

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 2:53 pm |

      they do, and im not talking about health care, they think were all backwards using the metric system

  16. stroodle on The Sarcasmist stroodle
    September 29, 2009 at 2:39 pm |

    @ ES
    We have it here in the UK, its a choice that me and my family has chosen to use rather than private health care, and it works. Though i hear the free health care system in Germany is better, I’m still proud of our country’s national health service.
    @ BR
    Who the fuck cares when considering the greater problem of a whole 15 fucking percent of your population don’t have health insurance. Its sick people like you, who don’t even care about the people who live in poverty who have to lose their children because they can’t afford health insurance, which ruin the worlds view of America.

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 2:55 pm |

      and michael moore movies, they also paint a bad view of america….

  17. September 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm |

    @ES

    lol maybe i have.

    Watch SIcko and get back to me, kthx.

  18. iLie on The Sarcasmist iLie
    September 29, 2009 at 2:51 pm |

    Man, I can’t wait for that assisted suicide. Here I was all dressed up as a cat and heading down to my local humane society because I just couldn’t handle the stress of this debate any longer!

    • Yozhik on The Sarcasmist Yozhik
      September 30, 2009 at 10:51 am |

      Why choose a cat? Dress like a dog and bite a few people, then you won’t even have to request to be put down.

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 2:56 pm |

      and as a dog someone might try to pet you, that might be fun

  19. aj on The Sarcasmist aj
    September 29, 2009 at 3:00 pm |

    and to everyone called me an idiot, sarah palin listener, all of that..

    it’s called having a separate opinion.
    perhaps i was slightly joe wilson ish with my stfu, but still
    just because i believe something doesn’t mean that you have to.

    i don’t watch fox news either, how’s that for a surprise?
    and i realize that there is no assisted suicide portion to the bill, however that is healthcare related and in the process of being overviewed.

    and @ deb
    i think you misunderstood me.
    i don’t mean that the industry is not in need of reform, as it is.
    but i don’t think that the way to do it is with a public option.

    to people keeping their current healthcare-
    why would they?
    the government will outcompete all of the businesses.

    and get this-
    the numbers of people that broadcasting corps say are skewed.
    they fail to take into account the people who don’t have insurance because they can afford to pay straight and several other groups.
    my argument would be much more convincing if i had read that article a bit more recently, but yeah.. w/e

    and @ jay jay
    thank you for defending me, but no, i meant what i wrote.
    i don’t like the jab about today’s conservatives as i consider myself more libertarian in the grand scheme of things, but yeah.

    • Karen on The Sarcasmist Karen
      September 30, 2009 at 6:47 am |

      Do you work for Aetna?

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 2:58 pm |

      hes canadian, doesnt want americans to see that our system s better lol

  20. Nona Yerbeeswax on The Sarcasmist Nona Yerbeeswax
    September 29, 2009 at 3:07 pm |

    Remember greed is good? Americans unlike any other place contains more greedy people than the entire planet combined. Why? Because only in America are you lauded for taking MORE of the money that’s around than everyone else. Only in America are you patted on the back as being a sound financial wizard for putting 20% of your employees out of work, so you can still have three houses. Only in America, will an entire 50% of the country be at your disposal, via the automatic trust they are mandated to put into their clergy so any given political party could take over and influence their decision making. Only in America could christians be convinced, via subtle and devious marketing that their sons should be sent into war to die, to kill children and men from a country they really shouldn’t even be at.. for political reasons that supposedly, maybe possibly benefit the country, because another country DARES to have one or two Weapons of Mass Destruction.. (wait, notice that in our country they are deemed nuclear deterrants, but when other countries want them, they are WMD’s) when we have ridiculous numbers of them in varying deadly strengths. Only in our country can people be told that everyone will be able to stop having to wonder if they can affford to go to a Doctor and just go when they are sick.. and 50% of the country is so stupid it rebels against that because “someone’s taking away my right to pick an insurance that won’t cover anything pre-existing”.

    lol.. wake up people. We already get taxed. If your insurance money went towards healthcare, we’d have better availability of care. Also, people wouldn’t have to call to get insurance checked before fixing your poor son’s broken arm or giving him some pain medication, they can go ahead and treat him.

  21. valerie on The Sarcasmist valerie
    September 29, 2009 at 3:19 pm |

    another example that there isnt a way to have a spirited, passionate & healthy conversation or debate with liberals-when they can’t answer the question, don’t know the answer or have nothing positive to say -they come out swinging-aiming for the juggler. no wonder why we can’t get anything accomomplished in this country-we’re all too busy being condescending towards each other because of differencet viewpoints-

    The bottomline-there is truth is what all of you & there is truth in Fox news, Sarah Palin etc-instead of using your high level education which didint’ buy you any class learn to hear the words as they are stated instead twisiting them & you will understand peoples viewpoint & concernes

    I’m lucky I have great insurance-never used it until 5yrs ago-I have great Dr’s -maybe how do I really know-but I know that 20% of a $3000 test is still unaffordable-I have lot of questions-I know what I don’t like-(yes I have a different personal viewpoint of European medical attention) it wasnt the pleasant experieince the previous person would have you believe. Not one way is the right way-but I know what I don’t want & was hoping that by asking questions & hearing others speak truly wanting to learn & get a great result-once again hear we are backing awful ridiculous attacks on each other-maybe all the liberals should go live in Europe since they like the way things are going over there & since us other Americans are nothing but a bunch of idiots-

    you make me proud to be a Conservative!

    • God Hates HMOs on The Sarcasmist God Hates HMOs
      September 29, 2009 at 4:54 pm |

      Val,
      I never went to high school. I got my GED and enrolled myself in community college at the age of 16 on grants. I got a job at 18 and paid my way.

      Here’s that answer you wanted:

      Government (or Public) option insurance structured as non-profit, with bulk negotiating leverage would dramatically lower the amount of cash large insurance companies skim out of the public sector as inflated profit. It would also force large insurance to give value for the dollar due to competition. This would break the monopoly held by companies that have carved out the American map and broken it up amongst themselves as a corporate piggy bank.
      Co-Ops cannot do this. They already exist. They are each, individually, far to small to have any negotiating leverage.
      Insurance companies are pumping obscene and shameful amounts of money into the campaign funds of the people (Republican and Democrat) who are opposing this measure. Insurance companies can pay shameful, obscene amounts of money because they are making mind-numbing, horrific amounts of money above that – mostly in turning down 1 in 5 treatments suggested by physicians (published fact from the industry itself), and generally canceling the coverage of anyone who becomes sick whenever they can.
      “Conservatives” who rail against this promotion of public good and market competition (and in other amendments such as the menu option – which is the Federal employee health system format expanded out as an option for the public, giving you the ability to choose your coverage, care, and physician) do not oppose it out of principle, for what’s the principle? The ideal of public harm and the sabotage of a free market economy?
      The politicians (both Republican and Democrat) voting against any real reform have not put forward an actual argument. They have offered no substantive alternative. If their opposition were trying to pass a law requiring car seat belts, they would be opposing that and trying to make windshields more shatter resistant. It doesn’t address the very reason for the debate – health and welfare.
      They have also publicly stated that they have no earnest or honest intent to do good for the American people… they have said, repeatedly, that their strategy is to position themselves in such a way as to cause harm to any progressive agenda not out of ideology, but strictly and expressly to gain political currency by forcing what would be good programs to fail, to never get started.
      This is a political party which has, at the outset, clearly and publicly stated that their intent is to harm or cheat the American populace and the American political system for personal gain. Further – they do not retract these statements once made. There has been no correction, no apology, no clearing the record of any misunderstanding. They are so shockingly brazen in their self-interest that they don’t care who knows it.
      What debate is possible? They have stated in words that they will lie when it suits them and they don’t care who knows.

      Aaahhh, but you don’t really want debate do you? You just want to express how happily “Conservative” you are. Even when clear financial conservatism is offered, you don’t recognize it because it’s not from your team. As if this were some sad, hollow sporting event and not a Nation which you yourself and every one of us were under the solemn duty to be agents of positive change, for our country and for our own sake.
      Well, good for you!

    • valerie on The Sarcasmist valerie
      September 29, 2009 at 6:53 pm |

      to god hates HMO’s-

      I’m going w/the person that reminded me that this is a sarcism blog -your condesending response not only doesnt give the answer I am looking forward-it further insults me -do you hear, do you listen-I agree in health care reform-I want to see something positive & good come out of this debate-a comprimise for all to live by-it’s not gonna happen if everyone acts like spoiled brats wanting it “their way” or the highway” then results in inmature tantrums like your rambling-if you can’t share your own words, how you as a person feels-don’t through some written crap at me-so yes I can debate you with facts, stats til the cows come home-grow up be real & maybe you’ll get your chance-otherwise your just another part of the problem

  22. JJJJJ on The Sarcasmist JJJJJ
    September 29, 2009 at 3:22 pm |

    I think that most of you don’t realize that most of these people who can’t afford to clothe and feed their children or take them to a doctor all buy themselves ipods and would rather get federal funds than actually work for a living.
    Why should we pay to take care of them?

    • lb on The Sarcasmist lb
      September 29, 2009 at 3:48 pm |

      The truth is that these people already have healthcare — it’s called MedicAid. It’s people like me in the middle class who are spending upwards of 30% of their incomes on healthcare while earnings dwindle. Even with the best insurance I can afford, I can barely pay for the insulin that keeps me alive.

      As for trusting the government to provide healthcare, I look at the other things that our government has provided me, regardless of my ability to pay: education, law enforcement, fire protection, roads to drive on, the freedom to speak out against it if I need to. What kind of things has ANY corporation provided free of charge? The things that our government provides may not be perfect, but I don’t think that any SANE person would prefer a privatized fire department or toll roads only.

    • subtlefuge on The Sarcasmist subtlefuge
      September 29, 2009 at 4:37 pm |

      @ JJJJJ: Those people only exist in your imagination.

    • poohead on The Sarcasmist poohead
      September 29, 2009 at 6:32 pm |

      maybe we should eat them..? if they’re all fattened up off of government cheese then it’d be the people version of Kobe beef. I can go for that.

    • Karen on The Sarcasmist Karen
      September 30, 2009 at 6:56 am |

      You’re a raging idiot!

  23. tp on The Sarcasmist tp
    September 29, 2009 at 3:25 pm |

    I am torn at ends as to either side of the debate. Both sides have good points that everyone should consider. But me being left with only propaganda run media (be it fox, nbc, abc, etc.), i’m not really qualified to give much of a valid opinion.
    @ Axel/stroodle
    I’m not sure of the exact numbers, but isn’t yours’ and almost all other developed countries in Europe that have socialist health care have an incredible national debt? I know that Brittan practically owns Iceland because they basically filed for bankruptcy. I’m also aware that America has a terrible national debt as well, but when you take in to the account the GDP/national debt ratio. That answers all. Is it really such a good idea to add socialized health care to the equation? Why add insult to injury? Of course it needs reform, but socialism isn’t the answer. It starts with something as trivial as nationalized health care and it keeps going from there. Even if it is an option. The problem is when we ask our governments for something, they provide. But at a cost. Just keep feeding the beast, see where you end up.

    • God Hates HMOs on The Sarcasmist God Hates HMOs
      September 29, 2009 at 5:11 pm |

      9 out of 10 people in America can’t give a working definition of what Socialism even is – they just know they’re told to hate it.

      Free media is easy to get. CSPAN, BBC, etc, etc. If you want to know what’s going on in the US without US perspective you just go to an international news source. Sure, they have International Perspective, but hey – why would they give a damn what we do about health care? They’re not trying to sell us anything.

      Foreign markets are in trouble because the US consumes everything. That’s their financial system. When we have a housing/tech/tulip bulb bubble and our market goes flat, we stop buying things from other countries and they have trouble.

      Medicare was called Socialist. The Social Security act was called Socialist. Hell the National Parks were called Socialist. How deep does that reactionary rabbit hole get?

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 3:07 pm |

      no country has a national debt larger than america, look it up if you dont believe me

  24. Unsunghero on The Sarcasmist Unsunghero
    September 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm |

    (“We didn’t start the flame war” plays in the background)
    Doesn’t anyone realize this was just a cleverly planned troll!?
    I mean the first post was deliberately antagonizing.
    Epic

  25. September 29, 2009 at 3:48 pm |

    Yeah this healthcare bill the Democrats are putting together will be totally awesome. As a complete supporter of lawyers and everything they provide to society, I am SO EXCITED there is not even a glimmer of tort reform being proposed.

    I am also SO PROUD that the US government is staying strong in its desire to create a public option while at the… Read More same time telling the American people the private ones are broken. I believe everything they tell me and I don’t believe at all that the government itself is partially to blame for reducing competition by not allowing insurance providers to compete across state lines! Those lying conservatives… shame on them! They’re RACIST!

    I simply CAN’T WAIT to pay more tax dollars to fund healthcare for illegal aliens and I’m ECSTATIC that this healthcare bill will increase our national debt by trillions of dollars. That, my fellow Americans, is something to truly be proud of.

    • Papa Bear on The Sarcasmist Papa Bear
      September 29, 2009 at 5:15 pm |

      That’s the hope and change we can be proud of! Spot on Alex!

    • mike on The Sarcasmist mike
      September 30, 2009 at 3:09 pm |

      it can be controlled so that only citizens or recognized immigrants and citizens have access to free healthcare. canada has health cards, works decently well