Starbucks Dictionary Announced
Always Innovative
Starbucks has always been at the cutting edge of the coffee business. For example, they were the first to introduce outlandish cup sizes that made even a simple cup of coffee sound exotic. What sounds cooler, ‘large coffee’ or ‘venti drip’? This just goes to show that the Starbucks marketing people know what they are doing. But with the growing variety of hard-to-remember and even harder-to-pronounce names for their drinks as well as growing coffee jargon, it is taking people longer and longer to order their drinks, especially if they are new to the world of overpriced coffee. So Starbucks go to work to solve this problem.
Enter the Starbucks Dictionary! The crack team of researchers as the Sarcasmist have found that Starbucks is about to announce the release of their revolutionary coffee dictionary which will not only generate revenue through sales of the dictionary itself, but also help bring in those potential customer who have been, until now, intimidated by the Starbucks vocabulary. Starbucks plans to also release electronic versions of its dictionary through the iPhone/iPad and Android app stores.
This is what I hope the entries will look like:
Caramel Macchiato: A drink best for when you are trying to look classy, but really just want a sugar and caffeine rush.
Venti Drip sounds very… uh… Exotic? No It sounds like a EXTRA EXTRA large Sanitary towel for obese people. To me at least anyway.
STD? maybe
Actually a Venti Cup of Coffee has 5 Calories, just saying. Newfag.
Actually.. starbucks has some of the most fattening coffee drinks out there… just saying.
I cried when I read your post… excellent!
so it’ll be coffee table dictionary !
Brilliant!!
Venti Drip sounds like a venereal disease.
Agreed! LMAO!
it totally does lol
Venti Drip, VD for short. Hm….
“I’m sorry ma’am your Venti Drip has taken a turn for the worst, some one get her 22 mL of half-caf mocha latte choco supreme. Stat!”
I agree with Lady. It sounds like an extra strong venereal disease.
Oh please, I’ve been ‘speaking coffee’ since long before Starbucks stomped on all the little guys to become supreme dictator in the coffee empire. If I am forced to garner my caffeine at Starbucks I have to dumb down my coffee speak. What is so difficult to grasp that ‘flat’ means ‘no foam’?
I bow before your knowledge, Oh all knowing Coffee Linguist.
Coffee jargon is as bad as bartending jargon. It changes from place to place, let alone from city to city or state to state.
Unfortunately, you must understand that most Starbucks are either high schoolers or college students (as I am) and most dont know much jargon past the “normal” Starbucks talk. There are, however, some of us (myself included) who can easily understand whatever you throw at us. Now to point some blame on the customers I have to deal with when they try to sound sophisticated. Just the other day I had someone order a grande flat shot-in-the-dark…. When things like that happen it just makes me want to slap the person who thinks there is foam on regular coffee! Or my personal favorite “I don’t want a latte, I want a really, really, really, wet cappuccino with only a TINY BIT OF FOAM!” The hell is wrong with you people? honestly
No bubbles?
They need one that goes the other way: Medium coffee, Black = Grande extra roast columbian drip beverage of unadulterated color?
Haha yeah =) and tips on how to make your drink sound more classy and expensive than your friends. Example: I tell people my drink is a “Grande nonfat 1 shot cinnamon dolce chai latte with extra nutmeg” which is really just chai and I add a little nutmeg.
So when I walk into a Starbucks, and I order a large coffee, and the guy starts asking me what I mean by that, does that mean he doesn’t speak English because he is from Starbucksia? Starbucksia sounds relevant to Starbucks, gay in its own right.
But caramel macchiatos [(sp?) hehehe] are so good!
It’s Fretalian.
but it is not a macc. it is a little caramel latte with vanilla syrup added.
Starbucks has done their best to screw up coffee jargon for everyone else. If you order a caramel macc. from any other shop you get a real macc, with caramel in the bottom.
I say large and they give me large. The don’t care if you say “Venti.” and this works at every Starbucks in America.
Stop the madness.
The kids won’t even ask YOU Venti, Grande, or Mediami. (tall?) They just say, “What size?”
They feel as dumb as us pretending to be French.
What’s great is that you can go into *ANY* place and order a “large”. You can order a “small” and you’ll get something smaller than a large or a medium. It’s like there’s this whole other code upon which everybody (except Starbucks) has agreed!
I like the sizing system at Starbucks. I get bored of small, medium, large. It gets bad, though, when I go to a different coffee shop. I always tell them what size I want in Starbucks sizes lol
and it’s Italian, not French, by the way.
yeah too bad nobody at starbucks knows wtf a cafe-au-lait is.
The rest of the world knows its half coffee and half steamed milk.
but at most starbucks you have to explain it and they say – oh you mean a ‘misto’… wtf is a misto.
and yes, i know i risk mancard revokation every time i order a cafe-au-lait.
@SevenConstanza at starbucks that is technically called Cafe-con-leche. I dunno where the hell they got “misto” from and why the got rid of the con-leche and con-pannas.
a caffe con leche, a misto, and a cafe au lait are the same thing in starbucks. and a con panna is a different thing all together… just saying.
Nothing a venti penicillin drip won’t cure.