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While doing charity work, it’s now necessary to watch for falling shopping carts

Written by The Sarcasmist on November 2, 2011 - Comments (11)

A Manhattan philanthropist has been critically injured. At first blush, this story promises to be about a socialite attending a $50,000 per plate charity dinner who was injured by slipping on expensive Champagne an hitting her head on a massive bowl of caviar; however, the story is quite different than that.

Marion Salmon Hedges, 47, is a real estate agent from the Upper West side who does a lot of charity work, especially for youth programs. Unfortunately, she is currently unconscious and sedated at the intensive care unit of a Harlem hospital.

She didn’t hurt herself by slipping in Champagne, but rather was hurt in East Harlem by a falling shopping cart on Halloween eve as she was bringing candy for neighborhood kids. The falling shopping cart was pushed over the railing of a walkway in an East Harlem mall. The two boys who are responsible said that they did not know that anyone was below. So hopefully the judge will take this into consideration during their trial. It’s naturally alright to throw shopping carts off of walkways and buildings, just not when there are people underneath.

Marion’s husband, Michael, told the Daily News that she is “going to be, in the best of all cases, in rehabilitation for months.”

There is an even darker side to this story, however; the two boys responsible for the incident were turned in by their 14-year-old friend who had initially tried to stop them. What has our society come to? Those two boys had the initiative to go through with their plan, and the kid who was too much of a sissy became jealous and ratted them out. Do friendships not mean anything anymore? Has the fabric of our society frayed to the extent that we are willing to turn in our friends for an accident that didn’t even cause a death?

What’s worse is that some jackass will now coin a derogatory term off of this, calling large objects thrown off of high places “Harlem rain”. Harlem really doesn’t need any more negative things associated with it.

Comments

  1. All around, a poorly written article. Does this writer have a loose grip on reality. If it wasn’t such a bad joke, I’d laugh.

  2. That’s what I was thinking… this isn’t remotely funny.

  3. Marion S. Hedges

    ……….

  4. Really, Robert and Kay? Did you not notice the article is written by “The Sarcasmsist”? Clearly, you must have wandered onto the wrong website.

    In the meanwhile, LOL…Harlem Rain! Well played!

  5. nightingale801

    Oh well. The text felt like preaching and the comments felt like preaching the preacher and that is why & – according to google(random google search) the proverbs 17: 27-28 can be considered as relevant.

    wiki.thepatternofeverything[dot]org/index(dot)php?title=Proverbs:17

    According to me: Your words can help the reader understand if you own what you know:) or if you just bla bla bla copy copy copy blah blah. . .

    thank you for sharing your effort:)

  6. Dear Sarcasmist, have you ever considered administering a sarcasm test before allowing people to join Sarcasm Society?

  7. LMFAO – its called “Sarcasm”. I think the comments above are called “IRONY”.
    Still LMFAO

  8. I LOVE sarcasm, it’s sooooo much fun. But anyway is this what they mean by no good deed goes unpunished????

  9. ” Has the fabric of our society frayed to the extent that we are willing to turn in our friends for an accident that didn’t even cause a death?”
    No, it doesn’t sound sarcastic, OR ironic. It just sounds stupid. Gosh, she didn’t even DIE after the brave, fearless initiative on the part of those two little s.o.b.s, despite the wimpy attempt of their so-called friend to stop them? Holy crap, lady. And I thought NYC had figured all this out and put up chain link barriers on bridges and overpasses to keep the cute little entrepreneurs from tossing concrete blocks over, just for the fun of it. Now I guess they need to put them up around shopping malls, too. But wait—why don’t they just put them up around the little bastards who do this, and lock the gate and throw away the key?

  10. It would have been funny if a truck had fallen on the idiots who sent over the shopping cart. This is just tragic.

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